


Roommates

by Spideypoolhell



Category: Deadpool - Fandom, Marvel, Spiderman - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), spideypool - Fandom
Genre: Gayness ensues, LATER, M/M, Peter and Wade live together, Slow Burn, Spideypool - Freeform, prob smut, rom com, wacky hi-jinks, welcome to spideypool hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:46:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6193906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spideypoolhell/pseuds/Spideypoolhell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Peter asks Wade to live with him and they fall in love, obviously. How could they not? Read if you need wacky gay superhero boyfriend rom com antics as much as I do.</p><p>Chapter 11: Peter and Wade have sex, so much sex. Funny sex, sexy sex, sleepy sex, shower sex, sex with toys, butt worshiping and some daddy kink. You think this is kinky as hell? Wait until the next and last chapter, it's going to have double the amount of kink and sex. Please leave a comment if you want me to write about Spideypool having any kind of sex you want in the next chapter and guess how many times I can make them orgasm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Roomies

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, writing on my phone while I suffer through a cold. Please comment if you like! Who else is excited for the new Spideypool comic coming out on Wednesday?

"Get your hands OFF my boyfriend!" Spiderman gritted loudly through his teeth while grabbing and throwing the ninja assassin off Deadpool.

The white eyes in Deadpool's mask widened into circles "Oh Spidey, you do love me!" Wade was on his knees now with his hands clasped together.

Spiderman faltered "What- I- I meant- best friend. You're my be-" he doesn't finish that sentence as the assassin retaliated too fast with a swift kick to his head knocking him unconscious. 

Six months before this incident Deadpool and Spiderman were sitting on a roof together under the stars, eating chimichangas while Wade provided most of the conversation, as usual. 

"Wade, there is something I want to ask you..." Spiderman suddenly interjected. 

"Shoot baby boy."

"So I've been wanting to move out of my apartment. The prices in New York are so expensive. Lately you've become my closest friend and it would be nice to live with someone who I don't have to hide my life from, so I was wondering... If you'd want to be my roommate."

If this was a cartoon Deadpool's eyes in his mask would be heart-shaped and twinkling. "You... Want me to live with you?" He squeaked in a high-pitched voice.

Between getting his PH.D. In science, being a full-time photographer and Spiderman, Peter Parker didn't have the time for a social life. Deadpool had unrelentlessly followed him on his patrols and missions and had saved his life more than a few times. A while ago they even started hanging out, Wade was kind and funny and made Peter forget all about his daily stresses. Peter still hadn't shared his real identity with Wade though.

" I know we're masked buddies but I really want to get to know you outside of our costumes," Peter spoke sheepishly.

" Let's go back to my place and get to know each other while tearing off each other's costumes right now!" Wade would never miss a chance to flirt, ever. 

Spiderman laughed. "Okay Wade, but seriously, what I'm suggesting is completely different but probably even more intimate for me than sex. Also, I think it might be really fun to live with you, like a wacky sitcom."

"Yes, yes, yes. A thousand times yes. All the yes!!!" Deadpool threw his arms around Spiderman.

"I guess there's no reason for me to hold back anymore then," Spiderman said while lifting off his mask, revealing his brown hair and eyes. "My name is Peter."

Wade just stared at Peter, at loss for words. If he hadn't quite realized he was well and truly fucked and in love with Spiderman before he did now.


	2. Apartment Hunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Wade are looking for an apartment together because they are so gay, and cute, and we all love them. They love each other too but of course Peter doesn't realize it yet because he's Peter Parker, the silliest, sliest, shyest, sassiest, spider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet, melty, marshmellow, cinnamon roll, pure gay fluff.

Now for the first time ever they were meeting face to face in civilian clothes and at a busy cafe. Wade was wearing a black hoodie, a baseball cap with a D on it, and jeans. Peter noticed him right away but Wade was too busy looking down nervously to even notice Peter walk up behind him. 

"Hey Wade,' Peter put his hand on Wade's back, which slightly startled him for a brief moment until he recognized Peter's voice and took a moment to take him in. Peter was dressed in slacks, a collared shirt and a green sweater.

"Why are you wearing glasses, Pete?" Wade's stony expression had now turned soft. "Because you clearly don't need them. Not that you don't look cute, but wearing fake glasses is such a hipster trash thing to do. Makes you sort of look like Harry Potter, which is all kinds of hot." Wade expected Peter to be more taken aback when he saw his face but he was looking at Wade with bright eyes and the sweetest smile.

"Sometimes I wear them, sometimes I don't, it depends on how I feel. I guess I have a few reasons why but the main one is that they were once my dad's. You know Harry Potter wore his glasses for reasons of style, right? Dude was fucking magical, didn't really need them," Peter had been cursing more since he started spending most of his free time with Wade; it was fun, like trying on another person's clothes to see if it fits. Wade thought Peter sounded cute as hell when he swore. "Anyway, let's get some coffee and get to business."

The business of the day was to start their search for their new apartment. Mostly they just scrolled through kijiji on their phones and looked at ads, showing each other anything notable while stealing glances at each other. Wade was trying so hard to keep his mouth shut but he just couldn't. "Peter you are so fucking gorgeous it's making my brain melt. There, I said it, so now I can try to focus on other things but you are seriously attracting- distracting me."

"At least your brain will grow back if it melts." Peter was trying to look and sound annoyed but he was blushing furiously and had to bite his lip to keep from smiling. So is that what he looks like under the mask when I flirt with him, Wade pondered to himself. Wade now had a million new sexy thoughts in his head.

Over the next few weeks they started meeting more as their regular selves, talking, joking and occasionally going to apartment viewings. Peter's goal was to find a decent two bedroom apartment that they wouldn't have to spend more than $800 each per month. New York being as pricey as it is of course, that was next to impossible (psst any readers want to correct me here?). Peter didn't want to live in another slum shack like the one he was currently in, in which there seemed to be infestations of roaches and bed bugs every three months (Peter of course was better at pest control than most, but still). So every time they saw an apartment Peter just looked disappointed and Wade just looked at Peter, not really caring about the apartment himself but more about what Peter wanted and needed in a home. Unfortunately this kept happening and almost a month had gone by. Peter had given his two months notice at the very beginning of their search so there was only a month left now, which was starting to make him anxious.

The next day Wade called Peter in an excited sing-song voice while Peter was bleary-eyed and still waking up "Guess what Petey? I found us a place! Come meet me at the bottom of your apartment building. Right now."

Peter felt excited but skeptical that Wade had somehow magically found the perfect apartment without even telling him first. He tried hard to humour Wade who was bouncy and full of mirth while Peter was still trying to get his eyes open. "Coffee first," Peter mumbled while Wade just swung his arm around his shoulder, full of joy.

After they had achieved coffee and gotten off the subway on their way to the new place Wade pulled a piece of black fabric out of his pocket. "Alright, now you have to wear this."

"Is that supposed to be a blind-fold?" Peter smirked and raised an eyebrow. 

"You got it. Now you know I'm totally corny, but also kinky, so you have to put it on. Do it for daddy." Wade teased.

"Only if you never refer to yourself as daddy ever again," Peter sighed and gave in, letting Wade wrap the cloth around his eyes. Wade spun him around three times and then he was holding him by the hands, leading him down the street, bouncing like a giddy puppy. 

Finally they arrived at their destination and Wade took off the blindfold. "Holy fuck," Peter gasped. "Holy fucking fuck. Wade what the hell? This isn't an apartment this is a millionaire's condominium. Peter gazed at the huge, open-concept home that looked like it had been ripped out of a magazine and decked out in black and white. It looked very modern, and very expensive, with beautiful windows that filled entire walls and had the most amazing view of New York.

"Okay, I know, I know. It's a little over the top," Wade shrugged but was grinning like an idiot. "But hear me out: I have made a lot of money doing the work I do, okay? If you've read my comics you'll know that I'm kind of obsessed with money but I'm too busy kicking ass and taking names to get around to spending it (I think). So, I had the brilliant idea to invest my money in some property! Which is honestly the smartest thing I've ever done with my fortune, I should have done it sooner. You inspired me to want to do it and... yeah, I hope you like it."

Peter walked around the condo in a kind of daze, no doubt Wade wanted him to feel it's fairy-tale like effects, but Peter had mixed feelings. "Wade, it's a very beautiful place, but I did want us to find something together to rent. You haven't bought it already have you?"

"Ehhhhhhh, yes?" came out Wade's timorous voice. 

"Oh my god, Wade," Peter face-palmed himself. "I think it's really nice that you bought an amazing place, but you were the one that bought it, not me. The property is in your name, not ours, and I really wanted us to be equally responsible, find a place that we both agreed on first." 

"Awww, Peter, c'mere," Wade threw his arms around Peter who didn't return the gesture. "Of course it's ours, and I thought that maybe it was about time to actually live somewhere where there wasn't crack addicts all around me. Not that I terribly minded, but now I have my baby boy to look after" he kissed Peter's head.

Peter walked off into the kitchen. "Of course we have our own dishwasher and we have a washer and dryer. A luxury I have long forgotten but I realize now is so necessary to wash the blood stains out of my clothes." Wade narrated. Peter looked into the bedrooms, every room had high ceilings which made him feel tiny. 

"Good lord, you had to buy the most expensive condo with walk-in closets and balconies and everything," Peter found himself smiling in spite of himself, he was trying to feel happy that Wade was actually trying to do something grown-up even if it meant spending all his blood money on him.

"You haven't even seen the rooftop patio! There's a swimming pool, a hot tub, a bar, and a small garden."

"OH my GOD, Wade! This is too much!" Peter threw his arms up in exasperation, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face. This was too ridiculous. Just like everything about Wade Wilson.

Wade didn't even pretend to care, he just grabbed Peter and threw him over his shoulder while running around and screaming "We have the coolest fucking place in New York! James Bond ain't got shit on us! Woooo!"

"Wade. Put me down. Or so help me god. I will turn you into a cocoon." Peter spoke in a warning voice.

"You know I love it when you do that to me, baby," Wade just stood there smiling, looking at everything, and giving Peter's ass a pat of satisfaction. Peter smacked his head and wriggled free.

"You are so crazy and ridiculous, but.. I geuss that's what I like about you." Peter said confidently and then strode away before Wade could grab him again.

Peter's phone vibrated and he found a text from Wade:

DEADPOOL AND SPIDERMAN'S CRAZY CONDO CHRISTENING PARTY! COME ONE, COME ALL!

"WADE!" Peter yelled "NO HOUSE PARTIES! WE HAVE SECRET IDENTITIES REMEMBER? WHO DID YOU EVEN INVITE?"

"Nah, pretty sure that's just you," Wade was flipping through his phone and smiling "Don't worry though, it's next week so our stuff won't even be moved in yet, we still have a month to get our shit together. Oh and I just invited some X-men and Avengers and a few and many old friends."

"The hell Wade," Peter was fuming "Alright you can have one big party, but then privacy. Deal?"

"Deal!" Wade looked him in the eyes so mischievously. Peter Parker started to wonder what the hell he had gotten himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's going to be a big superhero party because who doesn't love superhero parties?
> 
> Do a shot every time someone uses the adjective stony in a fanfic.
> 
> SO who do you think shows up? I need ideas, spideypoolers
> 
> and Deadpoolers let me know if my writing contradicts or confirms any interesting canon bc I'm mostly flinging this shit out of nowhere, like Spidey's webbing, where does that shit even come from?
> 
> So Wade thinks that he's prince charming, do you? He's certainly trying to win over Spidey with his luxury Barbie dream condo, I think he likes being a sugar daddy


	3. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is silly, fun trash I mostly wrote for those of you who commented! Still getting over my cold so I've been delirious and blowing my nose while writing, thanks for all the wonderful support. More importantly, WHO READ THE NEW SPIDERMAN/DEADPOOL COMIC? WASN'T IT AMAZING! Spiderman carrying Deadpool in his arms is canon, and so is Deadpool having a Spidey plushie, among other gay bounty. Go to your local comic book store and buy it to show Marvel you need more Spideypool and want to see some real queer superhero love!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter are idiots. Idiots in love.

"Remind me why I agreed to this again?" Spiderman grumbled with his arms crossed.

"Because you're humouring me? Oh, and it's nice to have friends." Deadpool was placing beer into giant buckets of ice. They had donned their superhero outfits and were about to host a party for god knows how many people with superpowers. Peter just hoped their new unfurnished home would not explode. Everything was completely empty except for some stools Wade had bought to surround the kitchen island, food and drink, and their old couches which they decided looked a little shabby in their new place but decided to use for the party anyway. Oh, and there was one other addition that Spiderman didn't notice until right now.

"Wade, what the hell is that? Is that a stripper pole?" Peter asked incredulously while pointing to the rod that had been placed in the area behind the living room where the ceiling wasn't as high.

"Relax Spidey darling," Deadpool came from behind him and started massaging his shoulders, Peter remained stiff and unmoving. "It's just a little wild card I'm throwing out there, no one has to use it but if they do I sure hope I don't miss it." 

Peter shrugged him off. "There better be no other wild cards."

"Well actually..." Deadpool looked away but could feel Spiderman glaring at him "OK so someone, I don't know who, called out Tony Stark on his bullshit when he said that he would bet anyone a million dollars Spiderman and Deadpool weren't dating. So someone took him up on that bet and now everyone has gotten in on it just to fuck with Tony and piss him off," The eyes in Deadpool's mask became thin white slits, "Fucking Tony."

"What. The. Actual. Fuck." Spiderman couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Wade's reply was fast yet precise. "So one of the few people not taking any bets is Wolverine, who is going to be the judge in all of this. He's definitely going to do the smell test so we're going to have to rub our pheromones all over each other. I'm thinking if we rub our junk and armpits over each others bodies we'll mark each other with our scent."

Spiderman just sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. "I think I might cry. Wade, why do you want to make me cry?"

Deadpool sat down and scooted next to Spidey, gently touching his back "Babe, don't cry. Just think of the money! How can you cry when you can win a million dollars for us and many others and piss off Tony Stark at the same time? It's win-win."

"I fucking hate you, so much," Spiderman grumbled but then he hugged Deadpool and sat on his lap. "We're going to hug like this for a few minutes and breathe on each others necks a bit but that's it okay?"

Wade didn't say anything for a minute because he was too busy pressing his smile into Spiderman's neck and rubbing his hands all over his back, which Peter would never admit felt good but did.

"This is nice," Deadpool breathed into Spiderman's ear, "but I don't think it's going to be enough to convince Wolverine."

Spiderman jumped off Deadpool's lap "OOH! I have an idea Wade! We have an hour before guests come, let's switch costumes before they arrive, that should do the trick."

Deadpool wasn't convinced Spiderman's idea was as good as his next one would have been. "Well alright, but that means we are wearing each others underwear, and we are leaving them on."

Spiderman couldn't decide to sneer or gape at him so he just threw his arms in the air "FINE!" Deadpool started throwing off his clothes right then and there but Spiderman stormed off and slammed the bathroom door behind him and locked it until Wade agreed to leave his suit politely at the door and walk away.

Peter walked out as Deadpool "Really Wade? You had to wear a red thong of all possible things?"

"Well unlike you I don't want my panty lines showing through my spandex," Wade said as Spiderman.

They actually had a riot for the next 45 minutes mocking each other by pretending their roles were switched. Wade made sure Peter got an eyeful of him dressed as Spiderman swinging around the stripper pole. "See this? This could be you."

"Ok, now we need to change back before you ruin my image forever." They switched back their clothes, with Peter begrudgingly leaving the thong on.

"So some guests are going to arrive at the door, and some are going to arrive on the rooftop patio. I'm gong to go upstairs to greet people there. You can greet people down here," Deadpool skipped off blowing Spidey a kiss.

All of a sudden Peter felt his nerves flare in the moment of being all alone, but expecting people to arrive at any moment. When he imagined what this would be like he thought Deadpool would be by his side, and not having him there he started to feel extremely shy and anxious.

The first person to arrive was Steve Rogers, who was a welcome presence. Always a comforting person, Steve and Peter had a few minutes of small talk that was respectful and thoughtful, without prying too much. Soon more people started arriving and Peter felt like he was battling a never ending revolving door. Some people he recognized, and some he didn't. There were people whose superpower was obvious and some people that just looked like regular civilians. Peter definitely wasn't going to remember everyone's name. Luckily nobody brought up the bet about Deadpool and him being lovers until Wolverine showed up.

"Hey Spiderman," He spoke in a rough voice and grinned and as he shook Peter's hand. Peter was about to drop his hand but Wolverine pulled him closer, leaning in and sniffing Spiderman like a dog. All of Peter's hairs were standing on end like a cat being threatened. "You don't seem freshly fucked to me but Wade's scent is on you. I'm determining this as inconclusive evidence for now." Wolverine walked off non-nonchalantly while Spiderman was still frozen in shock and horror.

The next person who arrived was Tony Stark, who was always friendly but whom Spiderman really did not feel like seeing right now. 

"Hello Spiderman, how are you? How's your boyfriend Wade?" Tony smiled in a way that looked evil.

"Wade is on the rooftop. It's like there is a whole other party there," Spiderman said without enthusiasm. Tony seemed pleased that Spiderman hadn't actually confirmed or admitted anything about the status of his and Deadpool's relationship, even if he didn't deny anything either.

After that Spiderman just left the door open and let people come in as they may. He started drinking beer just to have something to hold in his hand and look like he was doing something. Everything was loud and there was already a crowd of people in what was supposed to be his new home. A sinking feeling in his stomach was developing as he realized that Wade was his closest friend, but Wade had many other friends and relationships that Peter knew nothing about. Everyone was engaged in rapt conversation and he wasn't sure how to talk to anybody. Luckily Johnny came by to say hi.

"Hey Spidey, wassup? Cool looking new place, looks like Wade is trying to turn you into his stepford husband. Has he popped the question yet? Johnny smirked.

"Not yet," Peter replied in an annoyed voice while drinking and Johnny just laughed.

Then all of a sudden Deadpool came downstairs and yelled into the crowd. "Hey everyone! There is barbecue meats cooking on the roof, there is also a pool and a hot tub, for which I've provided some clean, unused bathing suits and towels which you can even keep after the party! Clothing is optional though."

Deadpool came running over and threw his arms around Spiderman and kissed his temple "Hey lovebug, how's the party?" Spiderman showed no affection. "Hey Torch, can I use you upstairs? It's not actually pool weather yet so I was wondering if you could warm it up for me."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it, anyone who has a pool usually wants me there, I wonder why. See ya Spidey, I ship it." Johnny joked and then went upstairs.

"I didn't even know about all that stuff you mentioned happening on the roof. I can't even imagine how much you don't tell me." Spiderman downed the rest of his beer and grabbed another.

"Honey," Deadpool called out to him, but then pulled him aside to talk more intimately. "Listen, I would never hurt you, so I promise no more secrets between us, unless they are fun surprise secrets just meant for each other, okay?"

"Whatever," Spiderman looked down, feeling tense.

Deadpool sensed that Peter might not be having fun and switched topics to try to get him to stop worrying. "Hey Spidey, do you ship Stucky or Stony?"

"What are you even talking about," Spiderman tried not to smile.

"Come on, remember a couple weeks ago when I got you tipsy on bubbly wine and made you read gay Avengers fanfiction to me? One of the best nights of my life. Well anyway, I ship Stucky all the way, Bucky isn't here of course because Captain America: Civil War hasn't come out yet, but when it does, oh baby will there be Stucky."

Spiderman was trying really hard not to laugh while remembering. "Come on Wade, I was giggling the whole time I read that."

"Yet you were still so, so hot. Anyway, all the fans want Stony to adopt you as their son so I won't hold it against you if you ship them."

"Actually I ship science dads. If I'm going to have two dads it would be so cool if they were both mad science geniuses, also Tony would have to be nice all the time so Bruce wouldn't hulk out." 

"Oooh, Truce," Deadpool kissed Spiderman's cheek. "Wait here for a minute."

Deadpool went to go put on some music and disappeared for a few minutes. When he came back he was wearing only his mask and a pair of red and black swimming shorts. He didn't seem to give a flying fuck who saw his body and happily let his freak flag fly among his fellow freaky superhero friends.

"I have something just for you!" Deadpool showed Peter an itty bitty pair of swim shorts that were red and blue with a spider on the crotch.

"NO. No, no, no. Do I have to say no again?" Peter was so fed up with Wade.

"Fiiine, well you can come check me out in the pool, but if you stay downstairs be ready to take pics and vids of anyone who touches that stripper pole!"

Deadpool wandered off and so did Spiderman. 

People started saying to Spidey as he walked through the crowd "I ship it." Which he could only assume meant him and Deadpool. What the hell? Did everyone know about the bet? Was everyone talking about him?

Peter started to shrink. He felt like he was in high school again and everyone was the cool, popular alphas and he was the weird, odd one out. He walked into the room that was supposed to be his empty bedroom to find people sitting all over the floor. He noticed Doctor Strange, Storm, Thor, some of Deadpool's mercs for money, and a naked, flying baby who was apparently named Winter smoking a hookah together.

Peter just sat down on the floor and let out a long sigh. At least he was around the cool weirdos now. Someone passed him the hookah and he breathed in deeply just to feel included in something.

Almost two hours later Deadpool opened the door to his walk-in closet to get changed and was about to pull down his swimsuit when he heard Peter yelp "Wade! Stop! It's me."

"Spidey! Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you. What are you doing hiding in my closet? There are so many good jokes I could make about this." 

"I smoked some unknown substance from a hookah and now I'm freaking the fuck out." Spider man was curled up in a corner where a few articles of clothes Wade had brought and hung were hiding him.

"Hey, hey, are you okay, you are breathing really fast." Deadpool just went over to where Peter was hiding and sat next to him on the floor and petted his back. "Hey, it's gonna be okay, I just walked by there and it smelt like it was just pot."

"No it's not going to be okay!" Peter lost it. "I just invited people I don't even know into a place where I'm supposed to sleep and feel safe and not have people hounding me! Now everyone is hoping to take pictures of you and I gaying it up so they can sell it on the internet which will ensue in all the homophobic super villains trying to kill me on top of the other bullshit I have to deal with!"

"Oh Peter, you are amazing when you're high and drunk," Deadpool cooed, "I'm really sorry I wasn't there when you were having an anxiety attack. Everyone here tonight is someone I trust not to ever sell us out because they know if anyone were to ever hurt my baby boy I would no doubt kill them, because I am indestructible, duh." Wade was trying to make Peter laugh but he was not amused.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes while Peter's breath evened out.

"God, I fucked up tonight, didn't I? I really just wanted you to have an amazing night and hang out with cool people who I know think you are also cool," Deadpool leaned back his head to thunk it against the wall 

"Yeah and I thought when you said we were going to pretend to be gay lovers that you'd actually stick by me, hold my hand and introduce me to all the people I don't know." Peter admitted.

"Oh no... I just thought you'd be so mad at me for making that dumb bet that you would be pissed if I was constantly making you pretend in front of everyone. I shouldn't have made you feel ignored." Wade was angry at himself now.

"...Wade, why do you even like me?" Peter had been feeling like he was being left out of the one thing that made him look forward to the event, which was to see Wade make an ass of himself. He also had been thinking about how he was always criticizing Wade's character, but it was Wade who had a heart big enough to let everyone in while Peter was the one who shut everyone out.

"What kind of a question is that? You know I love everything about you. I might be surrounded by awesome superheroes tonight, but Spiderman is my hero, and he's also my favourite person. You are the best, being around you is amazing and inspiring," Wade spoke in his sincerest of voices.

Peter's head drooped. "I'm sorry for the times in the past when I was a dick to you. As it turns out, you seem to be the only person I want to be around."

Wade took Peter's hand in his and even though their masks were on they knew they were both staring at each other and smiling. Wade really wanted to kiss Peter and in that moment Peter might have even let him. When all of a sudden the closet door slammed open and shut and they both caught an eyeful of Tony Stark grabbing Steve Rogers by the face and practically eating it.

"Stony lives," Wade whispered into Peter's ear and grabbed him closer to prevent them being seen. "They always do this after fighting."

All of a sudden Tony was slapping Steve's face. "Fuck me hard like you know I want you to." he grabbed Steve's shirt violently, glaring at him with unbridled lust.

"Holy fuck," Wade kept whispering "cover your eyes baby boy it's your fictional gay dads!" 

"Wade, stop," Peter hissed pushing Wade's hands away from his eyes.

"Ooh looks like someone does have a daddy kink." Wade murmured.

"I don't want to do this Tony, I don't want to have to fight you to make you want me." Steve's voice was firm as he grabbed Tony's wrist and pried it off himself.

"Sounds like someone's tired of being used by an angry fuck puppet!" Wade narrated to an imaginary audience loudly. Peter jumped but Wade held him against his chest. Tony whipped aside the hanging clothes that were hiding them.

"FUCKING DEADPOOL!" Tony Roared. Deadpool and Spiderman's limbs were all tangled together and with Wade only in his mask and swimwear. Peter knew what it must look like. He felt so incredibly embarrassed for everyone in the room, but mostly himself.

"Hey Cap'n! Hey Tony the tiger, ready to admit I won that bet, Stark?" Tony looked like he was going to punch him, Peter jumped off Wade as fast as he could and crawled up the ceiling. Steve grabbed Tony before he could throttle Deadpool.

"C'mon. Let's just go, let these kids have their fun." Steve tried to soothe him, but it was really just making it worse.

"When Steve leaves you for Bucky and you wonder why, I hope you look back at this moment in which Steve is a perfect angel and you're the devil." Deadpool taunted.

Tony could have beat the life out of Deadpool, but with Captain America by his side and Spiderman above him and not about to let that happen, he furiously kicked the closet door open and left fuming. Peter took this chance to escape as well, crawling around the ceiling and walls.

No one was even inside anymore. Peter went to check out the roof patio and noticed the crowd had died down to a size of people that he finally didn't feel overwhelmed by. He ended up talking to Bruce and Natasha for the first time that night and was glad to see two of his favourite superheroes. Bruce and him talked about the thesis Peter was trying to write at length.

"I think I'm going to head out now," Natasha said. Peter hoped he didn't make Natasha feel left out of their conversation like he felt most of the night, he wanted to do something nice, if unexpected. He wanted to try making friends.

"Hey Natasha, wait," Peter grabbed something off his wrist. "I think you should have these, your name is Black Widow after all."

"Your web shooters?" Natasha experimented trying them out. "Wow, thank you, but don't you need this?"

"I always carry extras." Spiderman shrugged. 

"Thanks, Spidey, and by the way, I ship it." Soon Black Widow was off swinging away through New York City.

"What, are you giving those out like candy now?" Deadpool popped up behind him, fully dressed in his regular gear. "Where's my web shooters?" he pouted.

Bruce shuffled away laughing. Peter who was still mad about the incident in the closet blew up "You don't get any because you are an ass clown! I don't appreciate being used as your toy to win your stupid games, and I certainly don't like being humiliated or put on display like that! Now please and kindly fuck off!" Spiderman left Deadpool speechless.

Peter sat down at the bar and couldn't tell if the man behind it was actually bartending or just hanging out. 

"Need a drink? My name is Weasel." The man knowingly smiled at him.

"You're Weasel? Oh wow I've heard so much about you," Peter realized it was Wade's long time friend.

"I've heard a lot about you as well. Now let's shit talk about Wade to even the score." Weasel sat next to Peter and they spent the rest of the night laughing at hilarious stories of Wade being an ass clown. Not all of them cast him in a positive light but they were still funny and entertaining. 

Peter was now feeling a bit of forgiveness and fondness for the merc, he scanned the party and saw Wade leaning over the balcony, looking a little lonely. The party had now died down to less than 20 people. Peter had the sudden urge to go talk to him but a better scheme formed in his mind.

"All right everyone, listen up!" Spiderman stood up and yelled. "We're about to call it a night, but first I would like to get everyone downstairs for a very special performance by Wade Wilson, Deadpool himself. I'm sure you were all wondering about the stripper pole!"

Everyone started hollering and Deadpool stood up shocked before marching forward downstairs with the crowd. Everyone was waiting for him to put on a show.

"Which song from the Deadpool soundtrack should I dance to?" he said to himself while scrolling through his playlist. He put on Careless Whisper and everyone was yelling and screaming as he expertly twirled, grinded, and swung about the dance pole.

Peter was whooping and cheering with everyone else. Ecstatic and impressed that Wade actually knew how to pole dance really well, and started wondering if he had ever done it professionally. Peter was too absorbed in the performance to even realize just how much admiration and adoration he was feeling for Wade right now, Wade and his muscular body.

The song ended and the applause was almost deafening. Deadpool took a bow. Soon Spiderman was in front of everyone. "Ok, everyone, it's been a wonderful night, and thank you for coming. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask everyone to leave so I can be alone with Wade, you know why." Everyone laughed and took their time to say goodbyes.

Hawkeye came over to Spiderman. "I caught a great video of Wade you'll no doubt be seeing soon. Bye, Spidey. I ship it."

The moment they had closed the door for the final time that night, Deadpool and Spiderman quickly glanced at each other. 

"So..." Deadpool walked toward him and Peter's spidey sense was more than tingling from the predatory atmosphere around them.

"So you should meet me in your bedroom in 10 minutes, that should give you some time to get comfortable and ready for bed." Spiderman ran past Deadpool before he had a chance to grab him.

10 minutes later when Wade opened the door he was still in his suit, he saw Peter in the middle of the room still fully dressed as Spiderman.

"I knew you'd want to do it in our costumes, you sexy spi-" But before Wade could finish that sentence Peter was spinning him up into a web. Wade couldn't even think of a good retort before Spiderman had already finished binding him and threw his body onto a hammock made of webbing.

"Wait! Peter! Don't leave me here! Let's make sweet love and cuddle all night!" Wade squirmed in his cocoon. Peter gave him a kiss on his forehead.

"Not happening, have a good night Wade. See you in the morning" Spiderman turned off the lights and closed the door ignoring Wade's protests. He fell down into his own spider hammock in his new bedroom not long after. Taking off his mask he couldn't help but smile thinking it was their first night sleeping in their shared home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Neil Gaiman fans catch the Miracleman character reference?
> 
> Do Black Widow and Spiderman ever get to team up? Would love to know.
> 
> Next chapter I'm thinking of writing some stuff about Cable as Deadpool's ex, if anyone wants to give ideas please do!
> 
> So do you think when Peter was hiding in Deadpool's closet he found his own underwear lying there and put them back on or did he keep the thong on all night? I'll let you decide.


	4. Moving Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving day, what a shitty day, but Wade and Peter have their super strength and super love to get them through it. Sweet MJ is discussed and not the one you are thinking of. Cablepool is brought up because we know Wade used to get that D.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all those who commented you rock! I love audience participation. 
> 
> Do a shot anytime your OTP is written 'grinning like idiots'
> 
> Do a shot when someone is described as hulking
> 
> might do more editing on this chapter. Just want to put it out there now and maybe play with later. 
> 
> Oh and I made blind Al not blind so Wade can throw money at her to clean his messes because he's a giant man baby

Peter and Wade were lying on the floor exhausted. They had finally finished moving all their furniture and boxes into their new home. Even if they were both single bachelors with super strength moving was still a pain in the ass. Deadpool however had super regeneration powers so he shot back up two minutes later after resting and said: "I feel great! Ok, It's time to order pizza and drink beer because that is an important, ritualistic moving day meal, just like how you always have to eat turkey at Thanksgiving."

"Ok," Peter did not have the energy or opportunity to come up with any sassy remarks because Wade was completely right.

Since the party Peter had been so busy with work, school, and packing that he only saw Wade when they were Deadpool and Spiderman. Wade had started whining that he never got to see Peter Parker and his big, beautiful, brown eyes anymore. It felt like ages since they had had any regular guy time together. They finally saw each other again on moving day and had both coincidentally dressed similarly in hoodies, black t-shirts and blue jeans, but Wade had his mask pulled up like a toque. Peter realized maybe he had been subconsciously dressing like Wade when he wasn't Spiderman, just because he missed him. Wade was beaming with joy and embraced Peter the moment he saw him. Peter gave him a manly one armed hug; his cheeks were pink and his eyes wide and they were both grinning like idiots. Wade chattered endlessly to him all day while they lifted and carried everything they owned, he also stared like a love-sick teenager whenever Peter lugged giant pieces of furniture that no regular man could carry alone, it just made him look so cute and tiny in comparison. Moving took longer than they expected, when it was over and they had returned the moving truck and walked into their condo with all their crap inside they joyously collapsed on the floor.

Peter had just finally managed to lift himself into a vertical position after a long and tiring day. He had inherited a fair amount of large, antique wooden furniture from his late parents. Wade had already ordered pizza and was reaching into the kitchen fridge. "Alright, so real guy talk," Wade began while opening a can of beer and throwing another one to Peter, "I told you that I didn't want to keep secrets from you. I want you to trust me, but more importantly I don't want you to bitch me out for not telling you something. So we should talk about stuff." Wade made no inclination to mention what the said stuff was.

"Alright, um, is there anything you want to tell me? Or do I just have to keep asking you probing questions, like, are there any highly dangerous explosive weapons among us in this room?" Peter's face had it's usual I-am-so-sick-of-your-bullshit-yet-strangely-amused look that was special for Wade. Wade had missed seeing his face and that look so damn much. 

"Umm....yes? C'mon, that's a given," Wade was trying his best to be honest.

Peter sighed, "I was hoping that since I convinced you to stick to rubber bullets, tranquilizers and tasers on patrols with me that you might have made your weapons collection a little less hazardous. Maybe it was silly of me to think you'd toss away your shiny toys of mass destruction." Peter should have cared more about the fact he had decided to live with someone who owned so many guns and other weapons that made him highly uncomfortable, but he still felt oddly at home whenever he was with Wade. Deadpool was mainly working with the Avengers these days, so with someone like Steve Rogers directing Wade, Peter thought he might be on a good path. However, Deadpool hadn't completely sworn off being a mercenary. He promised Spidey that he wouldn't off anyone who didn't reach at least Bill Cosby amounts of evil. This didn't really comfort Peter, but regardless, he had always felt safe in Wade's presence. Well, mostly.

"Ok, truth time, any of my boxes marked with a red E might possibly be explosives, boxes marked with a red X are probably guns or some other weapons, and boxes marked with three red X's are my even more vast and scary collection of sex toys and porn."

Peter was pissed now. "Why the hell didn't you tell me I was carrying boxes that could have potentially blown up my face! Also, I found out what the triple X meant accidentally and it really made me wish I had your superpowers so I could shoot my brain out and create a new one... God, It's going to be like playing minesweeper every time I go to the bathroom with these boxes everywhere, isn't it?" The buzzer ringed and Peter got up and moved carefully around the boxes to acquire the pizza.

They sat on the couch and ate pizza while thinking about how their lives were all packed up and hidden away in cardboard. "Well, um, I have enough books to amass a small library, but I think you probably figured that out after moving a hundred boxes marked 'books'" Peter spoke between bites.

"I know, you are the hottest book nerd and I want to make out with you in a library," Deadpool finished his pizza slice and grabbed another, "also something you should probably know about me is that I fucking hate cleaning, I will try harder for you darling but I want you to physically kick and spank my ass into doing it."

"How is that even possible when your old apartment was always tidier than mine?" Peter asked genuinely surprised.

"That's because I hired an elderly lady who lived in my building to clean my apartment twice a week. Her name's Al, she's great; lived in different parts of Canada throughout her years but eventually settled in New York. She has wicked stories and also sells me the finest weed from Vermont."

"O-oh?" Peter's face was blank and he wasn't sure how to respond.

Wade rolled his eyes and waved his arms "OK before you get all judgey on me, take note that with my regeneration powers I don't actually feel the effects of drugs, I'm just helping to support my friend's family business. Oh, and I can smell and taste sweet MJ and it brings back wonderful memories for me. ."

"I wasn't going to get all judgmental because I think scolding a cancer survivor about marijuana usage is a dick move. Also, I do study biology and chemistry full time, so I'm very aware of the uses and properties of marijuana," Peter's snarky tone became more contemplative, "uh, but yeah, every individual's body is different; pot can relieve anxiety, but it can also cause it. Last time I smoked it I had a panic attack, although that was just as much to do with social anxiety. Anyway, lots of people use sweet MJ, as you call it, for medical reasons, and I am pro-decriminalization."

"I'm pro-legalization and all about using the funds to do something actually progressive. Why not profit from it to provide free healthcare in America? Hey, MJ isn't even legal in Canada and they have free healthcare, and I can tell you as a Canadian we all think the American medical system is class discriminatory bullshit, luckily I can bypass it." Wade liked to fancy himself as an anarchist, so this was one of his more tame views. They had been opening up more about their differing views on social and political issues. When Wade tried challenging or broadening Peter's perspective on global issues it gave Peter a fiery feeling inside him that he couldn't quite decipher, maybe it was superhero tingles, or just Wade's thoughtfulness and caring making him want to care more. 

Peter grinned, "OK, but then why did you move to America?"

Wade shrugged "Eh, because Canada is cold and peaceful and boring. I like the gun crazy cowboy movie that is America."

"See, those are the things that really bother me. Issues like gun control and violence and police brutality. I'm more uncomfortable with you possessing a hoard of guns than a small bit of MJ."

"So.. can I still hire Al to be our cleaning lady then?" Wade's voice rang out with hope, the hope that he wouldn't have to clean too much so he could focus all his home time on getting the spider to snuggle.

Peter's look was inscrutable, "hmm I dunno, I have trust issues about letting strangers into my place of residence if you hadn't figured that out yet," he quipped and ate more pizza.

"I'll introduce you then! She's a really sweet old gal just barely getting by and could really use the work. We should hire her for reasons of morality. Pretty please Peter." Wade tried to make a sad puppy face. Peter didn't want to acknowledge it was working but he felt hypnotized by Wade's dark brown eyes.

"Well, I do have five locks on my bedroom door so far and several hidden security features set up around the condo, so I guess it wouldn't be so bad. Still, I don't think I would consider anyone who cleaned your man cave of guns and dildos to be an innocent old lady by any means." Peter smirked.

"If you have any secret cameras set up in the shower I want access to that footage." Wade demanded.

"Yeah, I'm against cameras in bathrooms for obvious reasons," Peter said flatly, "anyway, I'm still surprised I actually thought you were neat and orderly this entire time. I just thought you probably wore a french maid outfit over your Deadpool costume and cleaned for fun."

Wade laughed heartily and leaned into the couch while looking dreamily at Peter. "Oh Peter, I love your imagination. We'll have to explore it some more. I'll wear my french maid costume for you whenever you want."

"Hah." Was all Peter could stupidly say while blushing and whisking away the empty pizza box and beer can to the kitchen. In his haste and somewhat flustered state he accidentally knocked over a box.

"Ohsweetbabyjesus," was all Peter could utter as relief washed over him to find the box was not marked with a red E. It was however an unsealed box and he knocked something out of it. He bent over and found himself picking of a photograph of Deadpool with his arm around a large grey-haired man with a metal arm and a gold eye. "Who's this Wade? I mean...sorry, I shouldn't be looking at your stuff without your permission." Peter said coyly as he saw Wade towering over him with a grim look on his face.

Wade stood still and put his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, that's Nathan, AKA Cable... An old friend of sorts," Wade's voice was unusually dull.

Peter picked up another photo that was Cable posing with gigantic guns. "I never knew you chased after silver foxes Wade," Peter said jestingly trying to get a rise out of Wade. "I didn't know your type was massive men with massive guns and probably a massive you know what... What am I thinking? Of course that's your type." 

Peter was relieved when Wade laughed. 

"Hah, I don't have a type because every type is my type. Don't worry Peter, your perfect ballerina butt trumps all the types." Wade walked over to finish recycling the empty pizza box and beer can Peter had forgotten on the floor. Wade grabbed another beer for himself and paused for a moment before speaking, "yeah Nathan was what you would call an ex-lover, not really what you could call an ex-boyfriend because we had a don't ask don't tell kind of thing."

Peter tensed "Oh. I'm sorry if I said something stupid without really knowing what I was talking about," he looked up at Wade from where he was sitting, but then found another picture of Cable, this time shirtless. Cable was huge and hulking.

Wade took a long drink. "It's fine, I don't care. You know what's crazy? I was so fucking in love with that man. It feels good to say that out loud. It feels good because I don't feel that way anymore. It also feels good because I've never said it out loud," he took another long, slow drink.

Peter felt his heart ache for Wade "So... He never really knew?"

"I'm sure he did, and he cared for me in his own way. We were so on and off. One time I asked him if he ever wanted more than just a once in a while thing, but he said that what we already had was all it needed to be." Wade couldn't think of what to say next because Peter had come up from behind him and gave Wade an intense hug. 

Wade's knees turned to jelly "Hey, I can't hug you back when you're hugging my back," Peter turned him around and gave a tight, loving squeeze, Wade was taller so his lips naturally reached Peter's forehead, and he breathed in the wonderful scent of his hair.

Peter let his head fall on Wade's shoulder "If you could never tell someone you loved how much you really cared for them, or couldn't even tell anyone else for that matter then I'm really happy I get to be that person."

They broke apart a few moments later and Wade gave Peter a tender smile, "Thanks Peter... Hey you can always tell me anything too, even if its something you haven't been able to express or understand."

Peter thought about this for a moment, "When I look back on my past relationships, I feel like I did everything wrong, with Gwen and MJ. Not that MJ, Wade," Peter had to smirk at Wade who just mimed sucking in a joint. "I feel like I've just given up. It's like I don't care about having romantic or even sexual relationships anymore?" Peter began to feel a little shy and silly but remembered this was Wade he was talking to. "It just feels like it's not worth it." 

"If you are afraid that everyone you fuck is going to die on you, then I just want to remind you that I don't die," Wade interrupted and Peter punched him lightly. "Or maybe you are asexual? Think of how cool it would be, a pansexual and an asexual superhero team, leader and spidekick and also hilarious roommates and best bros."

"Hey, you are the spidekick and I'm the leader. Also, I don't know if I'm asexual, I mean I enjoyed, y'know, sex, but It wasn't, like, earth-shattering, mind-warping, life-changing-

"Oh, so maybe you just haven't had it with the right person yet?" Wade grinned and raised a non-existent eyebrow. 

"Who knows?" Peter turned around and grabbed another beer for himself and walked away. "I'm going to move some of my boxes out of the main room and into my bedroom so I don't trip over your landmines. I suggest you do the same, and please get rid of some of these potentially explosive boxes because It seems like as long as I live with you I'm never going to stop worrying that everything could explode at any second." 

"We'll see," Wade smiled and looked at Peter from afar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made Wade a pro-pot, pro-free healthcare toque wearing Canadian because that's just what we are about up here and Wade needs to be more Canadian. We are so not about the gun violence though, nope, very anti-firearms like Spidey.
> 
> I just want to get to the smutty bits but it might not be for another few chapters! Lots of UST and cuteness tho.
> 
> Do the Deadpool comics ever explain how Wade moved away from Canada? Also, can Deadpool get drunk? What is the canon on that?
> 
> Love hearing canon facts, give me cablepool canon. I headcanon Wade loved Cable but it wasn't too romantic for him, let me know what you think.
> 
> EDIT: tweaked this to make Deadpool more canon and not be able to experience any intoxication bc I want him to be like the skeleton from The Last Unicorn who is all like GIVE ME THE WINE and everyone else is like nah dude you're dead you can't taste for shit but the skeleton is still like BUT I REMEMBER
> 
> I kind of love the idea of asexual Peter Parker! However, you know this will eventually lead to sexy times


	5. Meeting Aunt May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade meets Aunt May and the two of them become bosom buds. Peter and Wade teach each other body positivity. Peter practices a little self-love. <3 Wade just wants to have 80's hot tub parties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter had some kinks when I first posted it (and not the good kind) that I smoothed out, might be worth a re-read or a quick skim through the notes to help clarify the writing and ideas
> 
> Wrote another Spideypool fic the other day called Ice Cream Dinner because I needed to write the smut http://archiveofourown.org/works/6250513
> 
> Do a shot every time Aunt May thinks Peter and Wade are gay for each other

“We both have the day off, anything going on today?” Wade fell into the new couch he and Peter had bought together the other week for their condo. 

“Aunt May is coming over for lunch in an hour,” Peter was in the kitchen making preparations and not really paying attention to Wade, “remember?”

Wade bolted upright,“WHAT? Aunt May! THE Aunt May, omigosh, Peter why didn't you tell me?”

“Are you serious? I've told you a few times in the past three weeks since we moved in. She wants to see our home and she wants to meet you,” Peter rolled his eyes, a motion he seemed to be doing non-stop since living with Wade.

Since they had moved in Peter had been a nazi about unpacking and made any free moment he and Wade had together devoted to organizing and arranging their possessions. Wade would often whine that they should relax and get naked in their hot tub and exchange back massages. Peter often had to smack his ass and say: “get your ass in motion and get to work,” which would result in Wade putting on his frilliest of aprons and happily complying. Sometimes he would be so focused on Peter's ass as it bent over to empty boxes that he would completely lose track of anything Peter was saying. That must have been when Peter mentioned Aunt May.

“Omigod, omigod, Peter, I'm so happy to meet your family but what is she going to think about me? She's going to think you are living with the phantom of the opera..” Wade melted into the couch in despair.

“I told her that you were once a noble and heroic fireman, that got into a bad accident, that now you are currently working for S.H.I.E.L.D and have a top secret job that cannot be discussed .” Peter's attention was focused on chopping vegetables for the salad he was preparing.

Wade sat up and gazed at Peter, “Wow, Peter , you made me sound so awesome and sexy! Have I told you today that I love you?”

Peter raised an eyebrow and was fighting a smile, he let his eyes meet Wade's for a second and then went back to his work. “Now you have.”

Wade was all nerves and excitement, “I can't wait to meet the amazing Aunt May but... Ahh, she's going to run away and projectile vomit at the same time when she sees this terrifying face,” Wade was trying to be funny but he was covering his face with his hands and sounded genuinely upset. Peter stopped what he was doing and walked over to Wade to put a hand on his shoulder.

“You're nervous to meet new people, I totally get that. C'mon let's go look in your closet and get you dolled up and respectable looking so we can channel your usual I'm-Deadpool-and-I-don't-give-two-fucks-what-you-think confidence,” Peter smiled encouragingly at him as Wade spread his hands to peer at Peter through his fingers.

“You're going to let me wear my Deadpool costume AND my little black dress?” Wade was getting excited, hugging his body and pretending to swoon.

“Not exactly what I had in mind. I mean you look fine,” Peter waved his hand over Wade's t-shirt and jeans, “but it's not exactly a meet-the-parents look,” Peter put a hand on his chin to think for a moment before running off to Wade's room with a giddy Wade trailing after him.

“Be careful that you just go looking for clothes in there,” Wade called after Peter who was rummaging though his closet.

“Wow, you have... a lot of clothes... in a lot of different styles and colours,” Peter yelled from inside the closet.

“What can I say? I'm basically Franknfurter and Mr. Dress Up combined into one,” Wade put his hands behind his head and grinned. Peter emerged with a red collared dress shirt and black trousers.

“Here we go, something classy and formal, but with some flashy colour. Red is definitely you, I also think red is characteristically a colour people wear when they want to channel their confident side. Hence my half red spider suit and your half red Deadpool suit,” Peter threw the clothes at Wade who smiled as he went into his closet to change into them.

“Well, do I look okay?” Wade materialized a few moments later looking very dapper in his more formal attire.

“You look great! I think it needs something though,” Peter hummed to himself and then came over to roll up Wade's sleeves to his elbows. Wade shivered at the gentle, affectionate contact. Peter stepped back and looked Wade up and down approvingly. “Looking good, but I think there is still one thing missing,”

“I know!” Wade walked over to the top of his night table and pulled on the Deadpool mask that lay there. “See? The look is complete!” He proudly put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest.

“You are not wearing the mask when you meet my aunt,” Peter groaned, “now come into my bedroom, where there is an actual mirror,” Wade wasn't sure if he liked where this was going but followed Peter anyway.

They went into Peter's room and he disappeared into his own closet for a moment before returning with a black tie in his hands, “here we go, something to bring up your look a notch, put this on,” he offered it to Wade who just stared.

“I honestly can't remember the last time I wore a tie or how to put it on,” Wade blinked.

Peter sighed and shrugged his shoulders, exasperated but still smiling. He slid the tie around Wade's neck and bit his lip while focusing on getting the tie even. If Wade's scars didn't prevent his face from blushing he would have been the colour of a tomato under his mask. Wade gulped audibly and was sure Peter could hear it along with his pounding heart.

“There! Okay, now go look at yourself in the mirror, with the mask off please,” Peter pleaded gently, Wade could never seem to disobey any command Peter gave him. With a long, deep breath he pulled off his mask and looked at himself in the mirror.

“I look-”

“Hot!” 

“Scaly,” Wade said and snapped around to throw Peter a toothy grin for his response, “you're a sweetheart Peter, but no matter how nicely you dress me up I'm still going to look like night of the living dead.” Wade just laughed at his own self-deprecating remarks and Peter frowned.

“I guess I've never told you this but I think it's something you need to hear,” Peter looked down shyly but then fixed his eyes on Wade's “I like your face, I like seeing you without your mask on and being able to read all your quirky expressions. You have kind eyes and a wicked grin,” Peter couldn't help blushing and smiling while saying this, especially at seeing Wade's face light up and soften in a way he had never seen before. Suddenly Wade's arms were squeezing the life out of Peter and lifting him slightly off the ground.

“Oh Peter, you darling little cinnamon roll! I never knew you had the hots for me,” Peter pushed Wade off him and they both laughed.

“Okay, close your eyes and repeat after me. I'm going to hypnotize you with my spider magic,” they were both giggling and Wade prayed to the gods of Mexican food that Peter wanted him to close his eyes so he could kiss him

“Repeat after me: I am strong, confident, and sexy,” Wade laughed. “Say it Wade,” Peter commanded forcefully.

It took a lot of will power for Wade to not burst into fits of giggles, “I am strong, confident, and sexy.”

“Okay, now say it again, this time more seriously,” 

“I am strong! Confident! Aaaand sexy!” Wade said totally not seriously.

“Okay, but really,”

Still keeping his eyes closed Wade forced his face into a serious expression “I am strong, confident and sexy,” he said in a voice that was rough and actually pretty sexy. Wade opened his eyes to see Peter smiling wistfully at him.

“Great! Now your homework is to repeat that as many times as you can a day! Get the voices in your head to join in and repeat it too,” directed Peter.

“Hah! They will never say what I want them to. I call them mom and dad because, like a teenager, I just try to not to care or listen to what they say at all,” Wade joked but looked thoughtful. “Hey, I'm not the one who said they had problems feeling sexy. I think you need to repeat this just as much as I do.”

“Aw, c'mon Wade,” Peter whined as Wade pushed him in front of the mirror. Peter looked at himself; he was dressed in a similar fashion as Wade except his shirt was royal blue and he didn't wear a tie, he also wore his glasses and a wrist watch.

“OK, instead of closing your eyes you have to look at yourself while you say this: I am the hottest, cutest dude ever, and if I weren't such a prude someone would be on their knees and making sweet love to me with their mouth right now.”

Peter guffawed, “I'm not saying any of that.”

“Okay, okay, how about this: I am an extremely kind and beautiful person deserving of love. Say it.” Wade looked at Peter wishing he could make Peter feel all the love and warmth that he had for him.

Peter reddened and averted his gaze from the mirror but eventually focused his eyes on his face, “I am an extremely kind and beautiful person deserving of love,” he said quietly.

“And I am fucking hot. Say that too,” Wade chirped.

Peter rolled his eyes but decided to humour him, “and I am fucking hot,” he said with his trademark sarcasm.

“Good! Now your homework is to say that to yourself every day...while looking at yourself naked in the mirror,” Wade laughed and Peter glared at him, but not without a huge grin on his face.

They heard the buzzer to their door and went to greet Aunt May who was in excellent spirits. 

“Peter! It's so good to see you!” Aunt May brought Peter into a hug while giving Wade a smile, “and you must be Wade! It's so good to finally meet you!” Wade went to shake May's hand but she pulled him into a motherly hug, Wade was startled yet delighted. “Peter has told me so many wonderful things about you.”

“Peter tells me so many amazing things about you! It's so nice to meet you, welcome to our home,” Wade forgot all about his previous anxiety and was nothing but charming.

Wade gave her a tour of the condo while Peter finished preparing his salad. Aunt May was thoroughly impressed and gave everything her seal of approval and awe. Wade was glad Peter kicked his ass into making their home look nice because it was more than worth it now.

They sat down to eat lunch which was the salad Peter had made along with a casserole that Aunt May had brought. Peter and Aunt May updated each other about their work and Peter talked about the thesis he was trying to write; he had tried telling Wade about it several times but Wade still had no idea what he was talking about. Occasionally Wade would crack a risque joke that would make Peter's heart stop until a second later Aunt May would burst into wild laughter. 

“Peter never told me what a beautiful woman you are, Aunt May,” Wade commented and Aunt May giggled.

“Wade, stop flirting with my Aunt,” was the first of many times Peter would use that phrase.

“Jealous, Peter?” Aunt May jested and made Peter choke on his food. “Well, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Although if you don't marry this man then I may have to.” Peter was dying inside and was hunched over trying to stop himself coughing. Wade and Aunt May laughed and Wade patted his back.

They had finished lunch and cleaned up when Aunt May started pulling a camera out of her bag. “Can I take a picture of you two in your new home? You're so adorable together,” Aunt May was not a woman to be refused.

“Uuuhhh,” Peter shuffled awkwardly, “I guess if Wade wants to...” He didn't think Wade would want to since whenever Peter brought out his camera he told him to point it somewhere else.

“Yes!” Wade wanted to.

“Alright... Wade put your arm around Peter now,” Aunt May held up her camera and snapped a photo of Wade looking ecstatic with his arm around Peter. Peter was edgy but tried to smile and look natural.

“OK now in this one kiss Peter, Wade,” before he knew it Wade was kissing his head and Aunt May was taking a photo of it while Peter turned brilliant red and looked shocked.

“Aunt May, we are not gay!” Peter yelled and threw his hands in the air and Aunt May took a photo of him doing this pose while she and Wade laughed.

“Hey, speak for yourself,” Wade replied after he pulled himself together.

“Ha ha, Peter has always been shy, Wade. Alright, now can I get you to take a photo with Wade and I Peter? You and I can get a picture together after of course,” Peter was happy to take a picture of someone else, a normal family photo with Aunt May wasn't nearly so embarrassing either. Aunt May was ready to leave now but Wade insisted that they accompany her on the journey home since she took the subway and walked. Wade threw on a pair of sunglasses and a black fedora and off they went.

Aunt May and Wade chattered and laughed energetically on the subway but Peter was already tired. When they got off and out into the streets Wade offered Aunt May his arm and she accepted it graciously.

“Why Mr. Wilson, what strong arms you have. Peter is one lucky man,” they laughed hysterically and staggered as they walked and Peter blushed furiously behind them, glaring daggers at their heads.

They finally arrived at Aunt May's house, Peter was about to say goodbye when Aunt May spoke first:  
“Wade, would you like to see Peter's childhood home?”

“I would absolutely love to!” Was Wade's enthusiastic reply, and before Peter could say anything they were bounding inside. 

Aunt May gave Wade the full tour of the house, including Peter's old room. Peter wanted to shoot himself the entire time until Aunt May and Wade got into a deep discussion about Uncle Ben. Peter had told Wade about his death and the way it affected him but he hadn't told him many stories of when he was alive. To hear Aunt May tell them now made all the memories rush back and he was listening as intently as Wade was. 

“Well, it's starting to get late, I didn't mean to bother you two boys for so long but I'm going to make dinner if you are interested in joining me,” Wade was very keen on staying for dinner and Peter didn't mind so much.

Aunt May gave Wade a black apron and employed his help in the kitchen. They talked while making a simple dinner of chicken, salad and rice. Peter mostly stood by the kitchen counter drinking wine and feeling strangely at peace hearing the two get on so well. Wade brought out a joyous side to Aunt May that Peter hadn't seen in a long time, no matter how strong and self-sufficient she always appeared to be. When Wade and Peter occasionally locked eyes they would smile adoringly at each other, which of course didn't go unnoticed by Aunt May.

They sat down to sup together, after a few minutes of eating in silence Aunt May spoke up, “So Wade, you must tell me how you and Peter met, I'm dying to know.”

Wade and Peter glanced at each other nervously, trying to read each others eyes. “You mean he hasn't told you yet?” Wade questioned.

“Not yet,” Aunt May affirmed.

“Well,” Wade began with a dramatic air, “we met.... At a... Cafe...That we both coincidentally frequented at the same time of day” he knew it was a terrible cliche and lie but he went with it anyway, “and it was love at first sight,”

“Wade!” Peter grunted angrily.

“Well at least it was from my side,” Wade gave Peter's annoyed face a look of worship, “but Peter was the first one to speak to me, I would have never had the courage to speak to such a cutie, although I longed to know more about him. We started hanging out and discovered that despite being entirely different we had oodles of fun together. Peter was willing to look past my appearance and get to know the real person underneath,” Wade then grabbed Peter's hand that had been resting on the table. Peter grumbled but didn't pull his hand away, “and since then I've never felt so lucky or happy in all of my life.” Peter gave his hand a quick squeeze but then pulled away.

“That is so beautiful, Wade” Aunt May had her hand on her heart, “I'm so happy you two met. You both have a real spark, I've never seen Peter so fiery. Peter has dated nice girls in the past but compared to you they were rather dull, and Peter was so... whipped.”

“Aunt May!” Peter protested but Aunt May shushed him.

“It's true, Peter was always so reserved around them. Well, he's still rather reserved, but he was never quite as open with them as he is with you. I can tell he's not afraid to show his sassy side to you.” Aunt May said thoughtfully and resumed eating her food while the two of them let this sink in, Wade was full of joy and wonderment and Peter was an angry red ball of nerves.

The tone of the conversation got more serious as Wade told Aunt May about his past battles with cancer. Peter's eyes had as much concern as Aunt May's but they were also full of warning. Peter tried to silently communicate to Wade to not fuck up the ex-fireman secret-agent story he had concocted as his backstory. Thankfully, Wade didn't slip up.

They finished their food, Wade offered to do the dishes so Peter decided to join him. Wade sang and hummed while dish washing and Peter just smiled and laughed at him while drying. Aunt May sat and drank tea, watching them with euphoria.

Peter had to stop Wade from watching golden girls with Aunt May after dinner “Aunt May, we really have to go now, it was wonderful seeing you and we'll come over for dinner next Sunday.” Peter gave Aunt May a big hug.

“Peter is eager to get you home Wade, and I can see why,” Aunt May hugged Wade and was happy to be wrapped in Wade's muscular arms,“you take care of our baby boy for me,” Wade almost cried into Aunt May's hair hearing her use his favourite pet name for Peter. Peter was ready to run away at that point.

As they walked home Wade whistled jauntily but Peter was disturbed, “My Aunt thinks we're fucking like rabbits,” he grumbled.

“Most people do,” Wade said nonchalantly while throwing an arm around Peter's shoulders, “you're so lucky to have Aunt May as your family, Peter. I wish I had someone like that,” Peter's annoyance died and he smiled at Wade whose expression wasn't discernable with his hat and sunglasses on in the dark.

“Yeah, I'm lucky to have both of you as my family” Peter held the hand Wade had over his shoulder and Wade beamed at him.

“Ok, now can we please, please relax for once when we get home since we accomplished getting our home pretty for Aunt May? Please for the love of fuck?” Wade jokingly pleaded.

“Yeah, let's do that.”

They spent their night lying on the couch, eating popcorn and watching a movie together for the first time in their new home. Wade convinced Peter he had to watch Pump Up The Volume with him since Peter hadn't seen it. They were both finally relaxed at home. 

After the movie Wade asked, “sooo.. hot tub?” He spoke sheepishly.

“Yeah, sure,” Peter sighed and Wade bounced with joy, “but I really want to express that you do NOT have permission to touch my dick. Also I'm not wearing that Spiderman speedo you got me, so you better find me some loose-fitting swim trunks.”

“I have Deadpool swim shorts you can wear,” Wade had sparkles in his eyes, “I'll wear the Spiderman speedo.”

Peter's nerves eased and his tension let go in the hot, bubbly water. Wade was respectful and didn't try to grab at him. He let his head fall back to look at the stars, the view was so incredibly gorgeous up here with the city's millions of twinkling lights surrounding them. Wade was off in his own world and looking up at space as well, singing the song Oh What a Night by The Four Seasons playing from speakers hooked up to his phone.

“Anything you want to listen to?” Wade asked Peter.

“Hmm, mmmaybe, but don't laugh at me,” Wade grinned hugely at Peter which broke him, “I Can't Go For That by Hall and Oates.”

“Oh my god, yes!” Wade knew every word to the song and sang along. Even Peter found himself singing the words.

“OK, now I'm on an 80's kick,” Wade played the song I can dream about you by Dan Hartman.

Afterwards Peter got out of the hot tub, “I'm gonna fall asleep soon, gotta go to bed,”

“Aww, but 80's hot tub party!” Wade pouted. 

Peter towelled himself off and said, “goodnight, Wade, have fun.” He could hear the song Sweet Dreams by Annie Lennox playing as he left.

After getting ready for bed and turning all five locks on his door and closing the rather large curtains to his tall bedroom windows, Peter looked at himself naked in his full-length mirror. 

“I am strong, sexy, and confident. I am an extremely kind and beautiful person deserving of love. And I am fucking hot,” he whispers to himself trying to make himself believe it, there's only the night lamp illuminating his body and the room. He acknowledges that his body is pretty nice and his butt is cute, but after years of studying biology and having seen people reduced to meat and bone he still looks at himself with a scientific eye. 

He thinks about what Wade would think if he were to see his body like this and the thought sets him on fire. All of a sudden he's thinking about what might have happened if he had stayed in that hot tub, naked. His body shivers and he's imagining Wade standing behind him and running his hands over Peter's body to touch his cock while he makes him watch in the mirror. Peter feels himself harden and reaches to stroke himself. The sight of him touching himself is sexy, but not as exciting as the thought of Wade losing his mind while watching Peter touch himself. He realizes that Wade makes him feel ridiculously sexy.

He keeps his eyes on his body while rubbing himself but he's thinking about Wade's mouth on his neck and on his dick. He thinks about Wade jerking him off in the hot tub, about Wade probably jerking himself off in the hot tub right now while thinking about fucking him. He thinks about Wade lying on his bed and rubbing himself to the sight of his naked body. He thinks about Wade on his knees in front of him playing with his cock. His mind is an orgy of Wades. He shudders and cums into his hand. 

Peter quickly cleans his hand, turns off the light and crawls into bed. His conscious mind returning from it's lust driven state, he starts to feel guilty and ashamed for thinking anything so naughty about someone who he thought he had a more friendly affection for. He tells himself that the mind just goes to weird places sometimes when you masturbate and there is a difference between the fantasy of something and the reality.

“It doesn't mean anything, it doesn't mean anything,” he whispers to himself in the dark before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter is so in denial and they've only been living together for 3 weeks. Only 3 months and 1 week left until we get back to the beginning of the story.
> 
> So after Peter leaves Deadpool listens to There Must Be An Angel - Annie Lennox, and Goonies R Good enough - Cyndi Lauper before giving himself some self love to the sultry tunes of George Michael. He passes out in the hot tub and wakes up at 4 am, his whole body a prune. Instead of going to bed he makes coffee and watches the sunrise on the roof
> 
> If you haven't seen Pump Up The Volume go watch it with your favourite person right now. Or just listen to the song Why Can't I Fall in Love by Ivan Neville
> 
> Send me love and I will keep writing you sexy spideypool trash!
> 
> Come join me in spideypool hell


	6. Musicals and May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade asks Peter to see a musical with him, but Peter refuses. Peter catches a cold and Wade and May make soup for him. Wade and Aunt May bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, but one that needed to be written regardless!

"Good morning sweetheart! Breakfast is ready,” Wade was dressed in his Deadpool mask, a tight black body suit that covered him down to the fingers and toes, a blond wig and a white haltered dress. After living with him for a little over a month Peter was completely unfazed and regarded this as normal.

“Look at the newspaper! We are on the front page again thanks to your fantastic photography of our fantastic asses in spandex.” Peter sat down to eat a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon and toast while reading yet another article on Spiderman and Deadpool saving New York City from ultimate doom. He was dressed in a black and white business suit and the two of them together were the image of 1950's domesticity, except Wade looked like Marilyn Monroe crossed with a transvestite in a gimp mask. Wade already had his breakfast and just sat across the table gazing adoringly at Peter while he ate and read the newspaper.

“Peter, there is something important I want to ask you,” Wade began and Peter just raised his eyes in response while munching his toast, “I want to ask you... To come see a musical with me.”

Peter swallowed his food, “what musical?”

“Wicked! Can you believe I've never seen it? I mean, I already know every song by heart. Also, you're totally Glinda, the pretty, popular one, and I'm the not-so-wicked witch Elphaba, who tries to do the right thing but just gets demonized when she says fuck the patriarchy,” Wade made a movement with his hands like he was creating a rainbow between them, “so anyway, the tickets are for Thursday night, will you go with me?”

“No,” was Peter's emotionless response as he continued eating his food.

“Awww, pleeease? Why nooot?” Wade whined while kneeling on his chair and bending over the table trying to create some kind of cleavage with his pecs.

“Because I'm determined to keep my last shred of heterosexuality since moving in with you is the gayest thing I've ever done,” Peter said meanly and turned the page of the newspaper uninterested in Wade's pleas.

“Please Peter, please please please? No one mourns... The wiiiiicked! Wiiiiicked! Wiiiiiiiickeeeed!” Wade started singing.

“You know what would really make me swoon?” Peter said suggestively while raising an eyebrow at Wade.

Wade gasped, “what?”

That Thursday Wade went to see Wicked with Aunt May. They had a riot. Wade told her he had asked Peter to go with him at first but that she was way more fun. After the show Wade took her out to have a post-theatre cocktail just to shoot the shit, they each ordered green apple martinis because of the colour. 

“So May, tell me, are you seeing anyone these days?” Wade ventured to ask.

“Oh Wade, I'm seeing more than a few people,” Aunt May divulged in a mischievous manner.

“Oh my god! We have soooo much to talk about!” Wade loved Aunt May more than any family member he had ever had.

“Alright, just don't tell Peter. You know how prudish he is, I think it would break him.”

They spent the night talking and giggling. When Wade finally got home Peter was in his Spidey suit with the mask off, drinking a tall glass of water after finishing his patrol. 

“So how was the musical?” Peter said with exuberance.

“It was wonderful! Your Aunt May is my new favourite person, even more than you. Sorry Peter,” Wade shrugged his shoulders with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

“Oh really? Well what if I told you I got us tickets to see the musical Hamilton for next week?”

Wade gasped, and then teared up, “oh Peter, really? You really do care about me and the glory of musical theatre!”

“I never said I didn't like musicals, but I thought if I'm going to see one with you it should be one I want to see,” Wade hugged Peter and kissed the dimples on his cheeks before telling him all about his night.

The next week, after seeing Hamilton and agreeing it was awesome, Peter had caught a cold and was curled up on the couch sick. He refused to talk to Wade because his throat hurt so much that he only communicated via text.

“Your Aunt May texted me that she absolutely does not want to see you for Sunday dinner tonight since you're sick. However, I'm going to hang out with her and make soup for you since you're kind of gross and no fun,” Peter texted Wade 'F U'. Wade kissed Peter's brow and left to see Aunt May.

“So Wade, do you and Peter cook together?” Aunt May asked while chopping onions.

“Hmm, not really, we usually get take out. You'll have to teach me how to cook, May!”

“Well soup is the easiest thing to make. You have to have soup stock on hand, and it's very simple: Basically you can either go vegetarian and use the odds and ends of vegetable scraps to boil into a broth, or I like to make chicken broth; you have to boil chicken bones and whatever other spices and vegetables you want for a couple hours and there you have it,” May tried to explain to Wade who was listening carefully.

Wade grabbed a pen and paper and wrote his own version of Aunt May's guide to making soup:

Easy Soup!

1\. Take out broth if frozen to let it thaw

2\. Cut up a bunch of vegetable and shit. Anything goes! Start with dicing garlic, onions, carrots and celery since they will be simmered in either olive oil or butter first. (Always cook these before other vegetables because they are firmer and it takes them longer to cook).

3\. Throw in the rest of the vegetables (whatever they are) once the onion is translucent (and maybe add grains or meat). Add the broth and add salt and seasonings, tasting often in order to not overdo it.

They talked a lot about Peter while cooking.

“Oh May, I'm so in love with Peter but he's trying so hard to be straight it's aggravating,” Wade sighed, “It doesn't matter, he's too good for me anyway,” Wade trailed off.

“Sweetie, that's bullshit,” Aunt May stirred the pot, “no one is perfect, the best two people can do is support and love each other, which I know you both do. I've never seen Peter as happy as he is with you. He's had a lot of traumatic events happen to him, what with being Spiderman and all that. Trust me, it takes a long time when you lose someone you love before you can move on and start fully living your life again.”

“I know, he's such a perfectionist it's as infuriating as it is endearing- WAIT WHAT YOU KNOW HE'S SPIDERMAN?!?!?” Wade unintentionally shouted at Aunt May. She just laughed.

“Oh c'mon, I'm not a complete dumbass. Also I know you're Deadpool, Wade Wilson, it's called google if you haven't heard of it,” Aunt May was so fucking bad ass and Wade loved her more than ever now, “I understand that you do some mercenary work that Peter probably isn't too comfortable with, but I've read and seen enough in the news to know that you always have Peter's- Spiderman's back. You keep him safe and I appreciate that more than you'll ever know,” May just hummed and smiled to herself and Wade was almost considering whether he should pursue May rather than Peter.

“Don't tell Peter I know his secret, okay? The poor boy worries about more than he already should, knowing that I know he's Spiderman would just stress him.”

“I know, he literally thinks he's responsible for all of New York,” Wade thought, “can I have him Aunt May? Pleease?”

May laughed, “hah, I'm not the person you need to be asking that, Wade. Also it seems like you have him in your grasp already.”

“I wish!” Wade exclaimed throwing his hands in the air. 

After Wade and May ate their soup along with some bread, Wade went home to bring the dinner they had made to Peter. When he got home Peter was lying on the couch reading a book, blowing his nose and snuggled up in a blue blanket while wearing a red and white striped t-shirt.

“Oh my fucking god, you look like Linus,” Wade burst out laughing.

'Does that mean you're Charlie Brown?' Peter texted him a few seconds later while smiling.

“Ohmigod, I need to get a Charlie Brown t-shirt so badly. Especially since he's bald too. You have the most kinky, fucked up role-playing ideas,” Wade had a revelation and immediately searched for Charlie Brown t-shirts online and ordered one.

They ate soup together. Wade talked to Peter the whole time but Peter just used his facial expressions to communicate with him. Wade felt like he was in The Little Mermaid and Peter was Ariel when she lost her voice. He had never had to carry on a conversation with someone who replied with facial expressions alone and it was so cute and endearing he just wanted to hold Peter in his arms forever and never let him go.

Peter even let Wade tuck him into bed that night and kiss his forehead. Wade lay in his bed later thinking how Peter was going to absolutely destroy him but he didn't care, he loved every single moment of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Wicked while writing this (and then Hamilton), also drank beer because it's St. Patrick's day. The author loves musicals.
> 
> Hah, so Wade ate soup twice, with May and then Peter. Do you think with Wade's regeneration powers he is a bottomless pit that could eat forever?
> 
> Peter doesn't seem to mind Wade kissing his face constantly. Do you think he's hoping for the lip smoochies?
> 
> Oh my gosh, I cannot wait to write the next chapter, it's going to be the funniest and most angsty yet.
> 
> Aunt May ships it so hard.


	7. Dancing and Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dancing and fighting. Wade pole dances and gets Peter all hot and bothered. Peter tries to fight his gayness but can't win. Peter and Wade get in a big fight. Peter cries, a lot. Johnny Storm makes an appearances to cast some light on the situation and brighten things up. Read on to find out what happens next!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all those who commented! I'm sending you care bear rainbow heart beams.
> 
> Apologies for referring to a dance pole as a stripper pole since not everyone pole dancing is stripping. I use the term stripper pole for comedic effect.
> 
> I have never pole danced in my life but now I want to do it dressed as Spiderman
> 
> Anything written like -> [this] means it's a text
> 
> Cute boys wink at Peter and he dies.

The stripper pole was becoming a point of contention between them. Ever since the party when it first appeared it would magically disappear and reappear and they never really addressed it. Wade loved to blast music and sing and dance like an idiot so Peter would often catch him twirling around on the pole. 

Peter was struggling to contain his sexuality in the neat, little heterosexual box he had created. Whenever Wade danced seductively around him he usually tried his best to ignore him but he couldn't stop himself from blushing. He would leave the room and attempt to calm himself and meditate, trying not to think of the yearning in his pants whenever he thought of Wade's body. It was becoming harder and harder for Peter to ignore his queerness when almost every night he masturbated while thinking about his male friend. 

Peter's sexual fantasies were becoming less about him and Wade, and more about Spiderman and Deadpool. He told himself Peter Parker was straight but it was OK for Spiderman to be a little gay, because hey, all those rippling muscles in spandex, who wouldn't admire that? As usual, he was splitting his personality between his two identities.

Wade liked to imagine he was destroying Peter's straightness but he was also worried that Peter felt disgusted by him. One day he couldn't help but blurt out, “so is my body bothering you in the good way or the bad way? Or do you just have something against pole dancing? Pole dancing is a sport and an art y'know. Not to mention the fact that New York is practically your stripper pole since you swing around it every night.”

Peter laughed but then he noticed Wade looked kind of upset, “It's OK, I'm sorry I've been taking down your dance pole without asking. It just looks... kind of silly. Not that you're silly, I mean, yes you are very silly, but I'm not bothered by your body, I just...Ugh, I don't know what's wrong with me,” Peter looked down, feeling terrible he had made his friend feel bad.

“Hey, it's OK, I know you're uncomfortable with almost anything remotely sexual,” Wade kept leaving Playgirl magazines in the bathroom just to disturb Peter. Peter would throw them back in Wade's room and wouldn't talk about it, “but pole-dancing is just fun and silly! I think you should try it, don't think of it as something sexual, just try seeing it as fun exercise! I mean, when I do it you should just laugh at my silliness instead of ... Being grossed out by me, or whatever you are,” Wade looked at Peter with puppy eyes from across the kitchen.

“No! I'm not grossed out or disturbed by your body! It's just that I'm uncomfortable with... Dancing. I don't dance ever, I can't dance.” Peter admitted feeling ashamed, he was always feeling shame and guilt these days.

“Awww, Petey! I know you're repressed, but... Awww, baby boy,” Wade gave him a quick hug and backed away, “dancing is so much fun! You just have to let go and stop caring about how you look. This is your life and who gives a fuck what anyone thinks. Don't deny yourself a world of fun because of fear. Dance like no ones watching, as they say.”

Peter had never gotten over the fear of being watched and what other people thought about him. It had haunted him in high school when everyone probably defined him as a loser or a nerd. His complex only grew bigger when he became Spiderman and then all of New York was judging him for his actions. Whether he was Peter Parker or Spiderman he was always hyper aware of how the world perceived him. He didn't feel like he could dance because he never tried it and he was afraid of looking stupid.

“Yeah, you're right I... should care less about what other people may or may not think. I just... don't even know where to begin,” Peter gave Wade a small smile and a hopeful look.

“You know what I love? Dancing like an idiot. I know my sultry body might be arousing, but I'm really just trying to make you laugh and smile at my buffoonish ways,” Wade winked, “I don't know how a gorgeous guy like you could ever feel self-conscious about his body, but a lot of beautiful people do.”

“I don't know if I'm suffering from lack of body confidence, I mean I wear skin-tight spandex every night. It's just... I would look like a lanky spider flailing about if I danced.”

“Hah! Peter you have the body of a dancer and an acrobatic gymnast. You're graceful and elegant, you were made to dance! I go on every patrol and mission with you because I love seeing you in action, you're like some ballerina ninja. Your fighting is dancing.” 

Wade had a funny way of making Peter's heart swell. So he let Wade dance for him and he giggled the whole time. Even more than dancing like an idiot, Wade loved making Peter laugh. Peter stood behind the kitchen counter, laughing and then crying as he felt an erection start to stir in his pants. Wade thought Peter was laughing so hard he was crying in the best possible way, making Wade feel extremely satisfied with himself.

Wade tried getting Peter to dance but he wasn't having it. Peter laughed nervously and said he'd watch and learn which made Wade grin. 

A few days later Wade called Peter to take a look at something in his room with little amusement in his voice.

When Peter walked in the room he saw Wade's laptop along with a bunch of files and papers scattered all over his bed.

“So this is my next... assignment.. I was wondering if maybe you'd like to look at it?” Wade asked timidly.

“Oh no, Wade, no. I do not want to see this side of you. If you are looking for my approval to kill people that is never going to happen,” Peter was appalled.

“But we fight bad guys together! This one case in particular is about as bad as they come. Serial killing, child-raping, racist, slave-trading-”

“Wade, I'm not ever going to give you permission to kill people no matter how evil they are,” Peter had his arms crossed and he was looking down at the floor, shaking.

“Peter, you have to patrol the streets of New York every night just so you can sleep. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I do what I do because ridding the world of truly fucking evil people relieves my anxiety?” Wade's voice and temper started escalating, “I have seen countless cases like this bastard; they have money and they have lawyers, and they will keep getting away with their crimes no matter how many times you try to stop them. Some people need to be put down. The fact that you are always fighting the same super villains again and again is so fucking ridiculous! What about the people who get hurt or killed when these assholes keep coming back into power because you won't unalive them when you have the chance!”

Peter slapped Wade so hard across the face that he literally went flying across the room and had probably broken his jaw.

“Fuck you, Wade Wilson,” Peter's face was dark red and scrunched up.. He ran into his bedroom and slammed the door and locked it. He only barely managed to bury his face into his pillow in time before he burst into sobs.

He couldn't remember the last time he cried so hard, it was like a river he didn't even know was inside him waiting to burst. He cried because he was livid and upset with Wade. He also cried because he felt guilty, guilty for everyone he ever loved who had died, and guilty for everyone in New York he had never managed to save when he knew he could have. He cried so much he eventually fell asleep and when he woke up it was night time.

Peter left his bedroom around 9 pm and he noticed the condo was dark and empty. Wade wasn't home. Eventually Peter found a note waiting for him on the counter that had his name on it. He was still mad so he scrunched the paper up into a ball and threw it in the trash. His curiousity got the better of him ten minutes later and he opened the note to read:

Peter  
I'm so sorry.  
I'm a fuck head.  
I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but  
when I come back please let me make it up to you.  
I'll be gone for a few days.  
Please text or call me.  
Don't spare me any of your rage.  
I'm sorry.  
love always, Wade

Peter just smashed the paper back into a ball and tossed it. 

He wanted to work out some of his anger so he put on his Spiderman suit to see what was happening on the streets of New York.

Unfortunately New York was quiet and peaceful no matter where he went. Peter just kept thinking about how mad he was at Wade, and wished there was some shitty super villain around he could beat the crap out of. His anger dissipated a bit when he suddenly got a text from his friend Johnny:

[Hey Peter! I'm in New York tonight, what's shaking? Wanna meet up and share a pizza?]

Fifteen minutes later Peter and Johnny were sitting on top of a roof and eating pizza. Well, Johnny was eating it. Peter took a few bites, chewing slowly before putting his half eaten pizza down. Johnny happily babbled all about his life and the fantastic four, trying to bring Peter up to speed.

“Peter, what's wrong? You're barely eating and you haven't said a word. Where's Wade tonight anyway, aren't you two always together?” Johnny was strangely perceptive for a person whose focus seemed to switch as fast as light.

Peter told Johnny all about the fight, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice but sounded pissed the entire time.

“Well, I'm not going near that argument, the whole kill or not to kill thing. Not touching that one. Nuh uh, noo way,” Johnny shook his head, “aw, I love you guys so much together! I hope you don't break up!”

“Johnny, we aren't dating!”

“You aren't? Then how am I supposed to seduce you both into a threesome?” Johnny stroked his chin and looked up thoughtfully.

Peter was taken aback, “what the hell Johnny? I thought you were straight.”

“I am, mostly,” Johnny laughed, “don't worry Peter, I would never get between you two, I think you are a great couple. I'm more interested in the package deal,” Johnny winked.

Peter was disturbed. “Well, that's not creepy at all,” he said clearly sarcastic.

Johnny giggled, “aw, c'mon, I'm sorry Pete. I forgot how extremely monogamous you were. I just thought being with someone like Wade might open you up... To different things.”

“Open me up?!?” Peter asked incredulously, “are you saying that you think Wade wants an open relationship?” His voice wavered.

“Nope, no, definitely not what I said. I think Wade would do whatever you wanted him to do,' Johnny's hands were up by his side as he defended himself.

“Well he won't seem to stop mercenary work when he knows I hate it,” Peter grumbled full of spite.

“I bet he would quit, if you asked nicely. I don't think bitch-slapping him across a room is going to do the trick,” Johnny smiled deviously, “use your charms Peter. Bat your eyelashes, pout your lips, beg a little. Wade will melt in your hands. You don't have to have sex with him to seduce him, but you do have to be willing to a share part of yourself in some ways.”

Peter chewed on more pizza as he let this idea process in his head.

“Hey, remember when we used to be best friends?” Johnny said abruptly.

“Y-yeah... Whatever happened to that?” Peter rubbed his shoulder feeling guilty.

“Well, I'll tell you what I think happened,” Johnny began, still jolly as ever, “I think you had some traumatic shit go down in your life. I think you shut yourself away from the people you were close to because you didn't want to lose anyone else you cared about. You were kind of a bitch to everyone and pushed them away. The only person who kept coming back to you no matter what was Deadpool. You didn't care because you thought you hated him so it didn't matter what happened to him. You started spending all your time with him and discovered you enjoyed his company, that you even preferred it to being with anyone else. Now you two are always together and are practically married, and sooooo cute together!” Johnny closed his eyes with his hands on his face and trembled like a little fangirl.

“Wow... That is... weirdly accurate,” Peter half smiled and looked at Johnny. He had missed his friend. Johnny always knew how to cheer people up; he was a light in the darkness, literally.

“Glad to be of any help. I miss you, Pete! I want you to know that the fantastic four are always gonna be your family. You and Wade should come hang out with us sometime,” Johnny's smile burned bright.

They spent the rest of the night catching up. Peter talked about Wade which ensued in a lot of laughter because Wade was crazy and hilarious. Johnny told him all about his adventures as well. They didn't part ways until 2 am, Peter felt in much better spirits when he got back to his empty home.

He couldn't help but notice that Johnny was, well, hot. He only wanted Johnny as a friend but it was undeniable that he was starting to really look at boys and notice them. Especially manly, built ones.

He checked his phone and saw a text from Wade:

[honey, I'm so sorry. I never want to hurt you again. I never want you to hurt me again either.]

Peter was still upset with Wade, but felt strangely relieved by his message. He went to bed thinking about how he would respond in the morning.

Peter immediately checked his phone upon waking and saw no new messages. He spent thirty minutes lying in bed thinking of what to write and just typed:

[Come home soon and we can talk]

He didn't know if the message sounded loving or dire.

A minute later he got a reply:

[I'll be home tonight around midnight, after you finish your patrol]

Peter didn't text a simple affirmation like 'OK', he felt it was redundant. So Wade would come home much later, good, that would give him some time to work on something he had in mind.

Peter didn't get home until 12:30 am, he took off his mask and walked into the kitchen/living area. The room was bursting with a rainbow array of flowers. Deadpool was sitting hunched over on the couch drinking a giant bottle of cheap strawberry wine. He perked up the moment he noticed Peter.

“Peter, I-” he started to stand up.

“Sit! Don't move!” Peter commanded. Wade shrunk back down into the couch.

There was a long, tense pause before Peter pealed into laughter.

“What's so funny?” Deadpool asked baffled.

“You're.. So fucking cheesy, hahahahahh. Flowers? Really? Do you think I'm a girl?” He kept tittering.

“Well.. You're prettier than a girl,” Wade said meekly.

“Wade, you can't just solve everything with one big gesture. This doesn't change anything,” Peter walked over to Wade, “don't talk, don't touch me, just listen,” he said and grabbed Wade's bottle of strawberry wine and took a long swig. He kept holding it while sitting down on Wade's lap. With his free hand he put a finger over top of the part of Wade's mask that covered his lips even though Wade wasn't talking and completely frozen.

“I don't want you to ever make me feel guilty again about not killing people and I don't want to ever make you feel guilty again for killing people,” Peter took another gulp of wine while still keeping his finger on Wade's lips. He grabbed Deadpool's mask and threw it off. 

“I want you to quit merc work and I want you to get rid of your dangerous toys and explosives. Please, for me, Wade,” Peter said looking up at Wade pleadingly while blushing and biting his lip. Wade really wanted to hug Peter but he was afraid the spider would smack his face apart again.

“Y-yes?” 

“Good. Please do this for me Wade, and I'll...” Peter trailed off, hopping off of Wade's lap and walking away.

“A-and you'll what?” Wade was enchanted and bewildered.

“And I'll... dance with you. Sometimes.” Peter had his back to Wade who was standing up now and staring at him, grinning like mad.

“Stand there,” Peter said without turning around and pointing his finger at Wade. He picked up his phone and scrolled though it, “a friend taught me that if you don't let yourself dance like an idiot you are missing out on something fun. So I'm going to find out myself. I picked the cheesiest song since I know you have an appreciation for cheese. I'm going to look silly, but hey, if dancing silly gives someone a little joy and laughter then that's not a bad reason to dance at all.”

Peter hit play and the song Down In Mexico by The Coasters blasted from the speakers. He swung onto the dance pole.

“Fuck yes, so Tarantino,” Wade's eyes glimmered and his hands were held together.

Peter had done a bit of practicing earlier that day, mostly imitating what he'd seen Wade do and watching youtube videos as references. The rest was improvised and he somehow managed to pull off something that would make any dancer jealous. The rhythm of the music made his shoulders and hips rock in a slow, sensual way he had never quite moved like before. Of course, being Spiderman he had a knack for swinging around things and was doing all sorts of impressive tricks. He didn't take himself too seriously though and was often smiling and laughing at himself while throwing his head back. He stole a few shy glances at Wade who looked like he was in the most wonderful kind of stupor.

Still, not entirely certain what he was doing he would land himself in awkward positions. Did he really just give Wade an eyeful of his butt grinding up and down into the pole while arching his back? He reached up and behind his head to grab the pole and kicked out his legs . He wiggled up and down the pole sinfully and did some sort of flip thing-

He whacked his junk against the pole hard and fell onto the floor. Wade was doubled over in hysterics while the song died down to its end. 

“Hahahhaaha, sorry, hahahahah, are you OK?” Wade was in tears, “that was the most amazing, hot, sexy thing I've ever seen my life, and also the most hilarious,” he couldn't stop laughing. He wanted so desperately to run over to Peter and kiss him on the floor.

“Y'know.... it was pretty fun. Not bad... This dancing thing,” Peter wheezed.

“You were so good! You're a natural, you've got to teach me some of those tricks!” Wade stood over Peter and offered him a hand to stand up.

Peter took it, “I think you're going to have to teach me some tricks because I don't actually know what I'm doing.”

Wade was over the moon ecstatic, “I can do that!” He proceeded to demonstrate some pole dance moves and Peter watched studiously, “OK, now you try doing it. Wait! You need music, and now you've got me in a Tarantino mood...” Wade put on the song Let's Stay Together by Al Green.

Peter nailed all the moves and Wade just urged him to keep going, dancing freestyle himself. Peter was giggling so much he slid down the pole into a puddle of laughter on the floor. 

The music ended, and Peter was still sitting, “Wade, you make me do crazy things I would never do and make me have fun in ways I never thought were possible. I guess that's why you're my best friend,” Peter's emphasis on the word friend was a little too strong and even though Wade was beaming with joy he flinched.

“You're my best friend too... Best friend... with the ass of a goddess.,” Wade said distantly before turning his eyes to Peter, "Peter, I am so sorry about the awful things I said. Knowing that I had hurt you was the worst feeling ever and I never want it to happen again."

Peter picked himself off the ground, holding onto the pole, “so... Have I convinced you to quit being a mercenary?” 

“Of course! I was ready to do it before I even saw you today,” they gazed into each others eyes and embraced.

“I'm so proud of you,” Peter's voice was slightly muffled as it was buried into Wade's chest, “we should celebrate,”

“Can we celebrate by re-enacting the lap dance scene in Tarantino's Death Proof to the song Down in Mexico?” Wade asked hopefully.

“Let's go out dancing!” Peter jumped out of the hug excitedly. After doing something as crazy as pole dancing in front of Wade he felt like he could dance anywhere and in front of anyone.

“OK, that's not a bad idea either, not as good as mine but-” 

“Let's get you laid!”

“Wait- what? Wade was caught off guard and wasn't sure whether to smile or not.

“We'll go out as Spiderman and Deadpool! Do you know how popular we've become from saving New York lately? With Spiderman as your wingman you will definitely get some! Don't worry buddy we'll get you some booty!” Peter looked just a little too excited to get Wade to have sex with someone else. It made Wade feel weird.

“Um, you mean get both of us laid?”

“Haha, no,” Peter said while patting Wade's shoulder, “I don't think I need to have sex with anyone other than myself right now.”

“Wow... that's... so hot... I mean I completely respect your decision to remain celibate. If I had that face and body I would never leave the mirror,” Wade was starting to wonder if Peter ever indulged in having orgasms so to hear him blatantly admit to masturbating made his mind swim in sexy thoughts.

“It's not like that! I don't stare at my reflection all day like Narcissus,” Peter punched Wade's arm jovially. “Anyway, let's go out! I'll even give you a piggy back ride and swing you across the city,” they grabbed their masks and put them on. Wade was all squeals of joy as they left.

The club they went to was packed. They were both feeling nervous being out in public, Wade knew Peter was jittery because he didn't want anyone trying to grab at his mask, and neither did Deadpool for that matter. Tons of people waved at them and tried to get their attention. Wade just really wanted to dance with Peter and maybe slyly put his arms around him. However, there was a crowd of people, mostly girls gathering around them and pushing them farther apart. They both just went with it and danced, Wade hoped Peter was having fun since he wasn't quite as happy as he thought he would be about the sudden turn of events. Peter was out dancing with him and it was wonderful, but he really just wanted him all to himself.

Wade couldn't take it anymore and swam through the crowd to get closer to Spiderman. Peter was relieved because he was starting to feel claustrophobic, he grabbed Deadpool and pulled him aside to the bar. Many girls were trying to talk to them and they both got side-tracked into different conversations. 

“Wade, those two girls told me they want you to go home with them. Do it!” Peter wanted to whisper into Wade's ear but since the music was blasting he had to scream for his message to be heard.

“What? I dunno...” Wade walked over and introduced himself, talking to the girls for several minutes before returning to Peter who had got a drink from the bar since it was close to last call. “Pe- Spidey, those two hotties want to know if you'd be interested in joining?” Wade spoke suggestively into Peter's ear.

“Hahaha, no thanks. You go with them, have some fun, but you can't bring them back to our home because of my secret identity, remember?” Peter tried to sound unfazed and happy.

Wade pouted through his mask, “it feels wrong to leave without you.”

“I'm fine. Now go get 'em!” Peter pushed Wade encouragingly.

Deadpool stood still and looked at Peter, “I love you, Spiderman!” Wade had to yell to be heard, he couldn't use Peter's name in public, of course.

“I love you too man, no homo,” Peter laughed.

“I love you more, yes homo!” Wade said before turning around to go back and dance with the women he had just met.

Peter downed his drink and left. Trying hard not to look back at Wade.

When he got home, he looked at all the pretty flowers but just felt sad. Despite the triumph of conquering his fear of dancing and making up with Wade he felt hollow. He took off his suit and got ready for bed. He had wanted to do something nice for Wade but couldn't help feeling a terrible weight in his stomach and heart. He wasn't even aroused at the thought of Wade fucking two random women. He just felt like an idiot for being jealous when he could have had Wade all to himself in his bed right now if he hadn't been such a gay chicken. 

It was hard enough for him to admit to himself that he was having gay sexual feelings, he wasn't ready to admit that he was falling in love with his best friend on top of that. He tried to will away his misery as he lay in bed drifting off to sleep, a tear escaping him before he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, Peter just friendzoned Wade and no homo'd him. Harsh.
> 
> Peter tried to distract Deadpool with boobies to make him forget that not long ago he was grinding his butt into a pole. Wade isn't going to forget that, neither is Peter.
> 
> Peter has a huge guilt complex but you knew that.
> 
> So do you think Peter overreacted, or was his anger and sadness completely justified? Or should Deadpool just unalive all the people who try to hurt his baby boy?
> 
> If you need some music to give you vibes for the club scene listen to Mike Snow - Animal
> 
> If you are in a relationship and you aren't sharing music with your partner and occasionally dancing like sexy idiots and giggling at yourselves there is something critical missing. I'm lucky to have a beautiful man in my life who will dance and give no fucks and I feel madly in love with him every time he does it.
> 
> I headcanon Wade drinks that strawberry wild vines shit like it's pink lemonade
> 
> Have you ever met someone as repressed as Peter or felt that way yourself? Even though this is crack fic and you are all wondering how anyone could be in so much denial the truth is there are many people out there in that much denial.
> 
> I love me some dead hot and sticky OT3 but there will be no Peter/Wade/Johnny. At least not in this fic. Wink.
> 
> Cheesy Torch puns 4life
> 
> So did you find this chapter more sad or funny? Peter's dick is the butt of my jokes, I bet his penis is sadder than he is. Tell me all about your feels.
> 
> Comment and I will cast a spell to give you sexy spideypool dreams.


	8. Spidercat and Dogpool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter are cute and domestic. Wade struggles with his identity now that he's no longer a merc. Peter wants Wade so badly but he can't have him just yet because torturing him is too much fun. The name of the chapter gives away the surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter: WHY HAVEN'T I KISSED WADE YET? I should have done it 5 chapters ago.
> 
> Me: Because it's so much fun writing you as a shy, tortured gayby?
> 
> Peter: I fucking hate you.
> 
> Me: Right, because no one ever struggled coming to terms with their sexuality or felt nervous about having sex. We're all just perfectly uninhibited beings with no fears or insecurities.
> 
> Peter: Give me Wade now, bitch.
> 
> Me: You know how long I was best friends with my husband before we ever kissed? At least 2 years, and being friends turned lovers was the most magical experience ever because I knew I completely loved and trusted that person going into the relationship.
> 
> Peter: Give me the dick.
> 
> Me: You'll have to wait until chapter 10
> 
> Peter: UGhghgghh.

“Wade, we have important super hero business to attend to today!” Peter was in an excellent mood but he looked like a little goth boy wearing tight black pants, a black t-shirt, a black Deadpool hoodie and black-rimmed glasses.

“OK, I guess I should get changed into Deadpool then?” Wade was feeling less cheery but was more brightly coloured in blue jeans, a bright blue t-shirt, a red Spiderman hoodie and a red baseball cap.

For the past two weeks Peter had been avoiding Wade. He acted friendly but was always rushing off to the next task, whether that was school or work. They saw each other as Deadpool and Spiderman but they were often split up and would text each other if one of them found any trouble. Peter said he was so busy that Wade even gave him a few nights off and patrolled alone, which Peter was thankful for. Today however, Peter wanted to make it up to Wade and take him out.

“No, we'll be wearing civilian clothes, to go undercover of course,” Peter smiled.

“Is that why you're dressed like you're about to go to a Nickelback concert?” Wade teased.

“Hey man, I'm wearing your hoodie so you're insulting yourself,” Peter threw a grape at Wade from across the room.

Wade caught it and ate it, “only you can dress like an emo teenager and still look hot.”

Wade felt dismal and confused because there was a weird tension between them lately that he couldn't define. He knew Peter wasn't always so keen to express how he felt. Cold silence terrified him more than angry rage; at least the person would yell things at you. 

It broke his heart when they had fought and he had made Peter cry. Peter had tried to muffle his sobs but his bawling had been clearly audible. Wade had stood in front of his door, wanting to comfort him but felt like too much like an asshole to say anything. It caught Wade off guard because he expected Peter to argue with him as usual. He still hadn't forgiven himself and he didn't think Peter had really forgiven him either, even though Wade had quit being a mercenary and Peter seemed fine and dandy. Peter never stopped working, the only time they really sat down as their regular selves together was when they ate.

“Again, I'm wearing the Deadpool logo!” Peter threw three grapes at him but Wade only caught two.

“And I'm wearing my Spiderman hoodie, aren't we the fucking cutest,” gayest couple that never was, Wade thought that last part to himself.

Since Wade quit being a mercenary his loneliness was amplified. He was always going out and catching up with old friends. He would tell Peter all about his social interactions to try and make Peter wish he saw him more, but Peter seemed uninterested. 

“So where are we going anyway?” Wade was pleased that Peter wanted to spend time with him, even if he had called whatever they were going to do superhero business.

“It's a surprise!” Peter gave Wade a mischievous look and Wade was thrilled. He couldn't remember a time when Peter had wanted to surprise him. Wade's heart jumped. It had been too long since Peter looked at him so playfully.

Peter had so many projects he needed to finish. He wasn't trying to make Wade feel ignored, but he was truthfully spending a lot of time at the library because Wade was too much of a distraction for him and he really needed to focus on other things. He had a thesis to complete and present and a lot of photography work had piled up for him, including freelance gigs. The only time he let himself think about Wade was in the darkness of his bedroom at night, and his thoughts weren't wholesome. 

Wade was fantasizing about Peter every night. After they got home from patrolling they were both eager to get ready for bed. After seeing Peter dance like a sex kitten and hearing him admit to exploring himself sexually Wade couldn't think of anything else and it was driving him crazy. They were both masturbating and thinking about each other all the time. Wade didn't think Peter was really attracted to him, but Peter was always so sweet and would smile and blush around him. Wade wished that Peter secretly wanted him. Peter knew that Wade not-so-secretly wanted him and it made him hard just thinking about it. However, he still had hang-ups that prevented him from acting on it.

Wade wanted to respect Peter's boundaries more than ever since Peter regarded him so highly as a friend, especially since Peter had told Wade he wanted to be celibate and Wade never saw him express attraction to anyone. Wade however expressed having sexual desires for many people and he didn't know it but Peter was jealous hearing Wade talk about it despite playing the supportive friend. Peter kept telling himself that pursuing Wade would be pointless because Wade probably wanted an open relationship.

Peter kept his distance from Wade because he was afraid that if Wade tried to kiss him he would kiss him even harder. So, he couldn't help feeling disappointed when Wade was also distant and less physically affectionate with him. Wade didn't want to make Peter uncomfortable since he was afraid of him leaving or hating him. 

A few days ago Wade had grabbed Peter's hand before he went out and asked him to dance with him because he was no longer a merc, bored out of his mind, and Peter had promised. Peter laughed and told him that there wasn't even music playing to which Wade responded with something corny about how there was always music playing in his head when Peter was around. Peter gave in and let Wade twirl him around a bit but when Wade had pulled him into a snug embrace Peter lost his nerve and ran away saying he was going to be late.

Today as they took the subway and walked through New York they were at ease with themselves and each other for the first time in awhile, they talked about their lives and current struggles, only ignoring the issue of the stress between them.

“Tell me where we're going!” They were almost at their destination and Wade couldn't take it any longer.

“Wait for it... Wait... For... It... Here we are,” Peter pointed to a city animal shelter, “I've always wanted to come by here and spend some time giving the animals some love like a good humanitarian.” 

“You wanted to hang out with some puppies and cats? That is so, so cuuuteee.” Wade didn't think Peter could get any more adorable.

“Haha, I know it's silly. I am just a regular person who loves cats and dogs. I've always wanted a pet but I've never had the time to take care of one. I thought it would be nice to just spend an hour with some cute animals,” Peter looked bashful, “here, take this, shoot pictures not guns,” Peter gave Wade his camera.

“Oh yes, I am definitely going to need this,” Wade grinned knowing he was going to take pictures of Peter with cute animals and was overjoyed. 

Peter was the cutest thing ever cooing over cats and petting them. He would laugh at Wade and tell him to stop taking pictures of him and pet the cats instead, but Peter was too busy giving his affections to the animals to really care.

When they finished petting the cats they went to visit the dogs. Peter said hi to a few of them but stopped dead when he saw a black dog missing patches of fur and one leg. He immediately went over to the dog, gently, the dog wagged his tail and sniffed at him. They got to pet him and found he was very friendly for a dog that looked like it had been dragged through hell.

“Oh my god Wade, this poor dog's been abused and is in need of love,” Peter turned his wide, watery eyes towards Wade, “he's like you,” Peter almost cried, looking lovingly into the dogs eyes, petting him tenderly.

“I think I'm starting to understand our relationship,” Wade laughed.

“I want this dog so badly! Aww, but I don't have time to take care of you!” The dog licked Peter's hand.

“Just like us,” Wade mumbled to himself, still amused.

“Wade! We could call him Dogpool,” Peter's eyes shimmered, “aw, what am I saying, we can't have a dog. Goodbye sweet puppy, someone better will take you home.”

“No, I don't think they will,” Wade sighed and then smiled, “you might not have time for a dog, but I do, now that I'm out of my other part-time job.”

“But Wade, I don't know if-”

“Too bad! We're getting a dog!” Wade didn't accept any of Peter's protests. He even insisted on getting a little black kitten they had met as well that Peter had been smitten with, “we need to bring a friend home with Dogpool, Dogpool meet Spidercat.”

It was the most ridiculous thing Peter had ever done. He couldn't believe they had actually adopted a dog and a kitten and were playing with them in their home. Everything felt surreal and wonderful. Wade and Peter were sitting on the floor entertaining their new friends. Spidercat was a little shy around Dogpool who was much bigger, but eventually she started to warm up to him.

After much deliberation they decided that Spidercat would be fine being alone for awhile and went out to take Dogpool on their first walk together. Going out for walks started to become their favourite new activity. Peter made more time in his life for his new family. He spent less time at the library studying and more time at home trying to study with Spidercat flopping all over his books. He would go out for walks everyday with Wade and Dogpool and they would often get hot dogs or soft pretzels while exploring the streets of New York. 

Spidercat and Dogpool were just what they needed. Peter felt less tense around Wade; the cute animals distracted him from thinking about how horny we was for his best friend. Dogpool and Spidercat took a liking to sleeping with Peter in his bed and Wade thought it was the cutest thing ever. When Spidercat and Dogpool curled up into each other and napped that was also the cutest thing ever. Wade had a distraction from not being a mercenary but soon became bored again. He grappled with what to do with his life now, even if he had a dog and a cat to put some of his energy towards. He took lots of pictures of their pets but he wasn't as interested in photography as Peter was.

One day Peter came home from work to find Wade lying on the roof top patio reading a book in a chaise lounge chair by the pool. Dogpool and Spidercat were chasing each other. 

“Hey Wade, how are the kids? How are you?” Peter sat down next to Wade on the end of his chair and loosened his tie.

“Kids are great, I'm a wreck. I mean, I got so bored today I started looking through your books and now I'm reading Ender's Game. I can't remember the last time I read a book. I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore, I mean sure I still do the Deadpool thing with the Avengers once in a while and with you every night, but now it's not my bread and butter.” Wade vented his frustration.

“Hey! Don't worry! It's OK, you made a smart investment and paid for this place outright, I take care of the bills because I insist on it. You have money saved. You can afford to take some time off to get to know yourself better. If you're getting bored there are so many things to do! Read a book, read many books. Maybe even take a few classes, or get a fun part-time job. You know what's always useful to learn? Practical life skills. You could do something fun like cooking, or woodworking, or I dunno, whatever you find fun.”

“Cooking? Are you trying to turn me into your housewife?” Wade looked at Peter impishly.

“Hah, you already are my housewife,” Peter said it nonchalantly but then blushed once he realized it rang true.

“Aw, my husband.” Wade took his hand and smiled.

“But really Wade, you can do anything you want to. You have your whole life to figure it out, and since you can't die there's no time limit. Think about how amazing that is, how you have all the time to do anything and everything you've ever wanted to,” Peter intertwined their fingers together.

“Peter, I know I should think that way, but,” his face was falling apart and tears were gathering at his eyes, “I don't want to see you grow old while I never change. I don't want to see you die.” Wade pulled Peter into a fierce hug, and Peter laughed and stroked his back.

“Wade, we just got a dog and cat together, I think that means we aren't leaving each others lives any time soon. If there's one thing I know it's that one day you are going to find someone even better than me to spend your life with,” Peter voiced reassuringly.

Wade was grabbing Peter's tie and sobbing into his chest. Peter felt strangely relieved by the crying because otherwise he might have felt arousal instead of sympathy while hugging Wade so closely.

“I'm... never... going to find... anyone... better... than y-you, my buh-buhooo-ootiful hus-b-band,” Wade gasped between sobs.

Peter chuckled, “well now that's just ridiculous, you think everyone is beautiful.”

“It's n-not.. the same... everything... about you... is... beautiful...you're... the best...p-person...ever”

“Wade, you're silly,” Peter said kindly, never one to accept compliments easily, “you're going to meet so many awesome people in your lifetime. It would be egotistical of me to think that I'll be the best person you'll ever know.” 

“No.. you're perfect,” Wade's head was still pressed into Peter's chest but his breathing evened out and a minute later and he was fine.

“My left breast is so soaked now you can see my freaking nipple!” Peter was wearing a white dress shirt that was now wet with Wade's tears and probably snot. He stood up realizing how funny and potentially sexy it might have looked. “I should probably grab a shower, lets do a quick patrol tonight and turn in early to watch a movie, your pick OK?” 

“OK,” Wade said shyly and covered the bottom half of his face with his book, his eyes glued to Peter.

Peter went downstairs and turned on the shower in the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He took off all his clothes and was about to get into the shower when he saw Wade's Spiderman hoodie on the floor. He picked it up and breathed in it's scent. It smelled mostly like fresh laundry and spicy cologne, but it also had Wade's unique smell. Peter sighed as the scent reminded him of home, and warmth, and desire.

He wasn't even in the shower before he started touching himself. Having adorable animals sleep in his bed at night killed all his horny thoughts for Wade and he hadn't masturbated in what felt like ages. Thoughts of sex came whirling back into his brain and he was fantasizing about fucking Wade wearing nothing but their Spiderman and Deadpool hoodies, looking so fucking cute and sexy together. Peter would be sitting on his lap and Wade's hand would be stroking his cock under the fabric, unzipping the hoodie to expose him only when he was hard, red, and throbbing. 

Wade would play with his dick and ass, Peter was lying on the bathroom floor now with the hoodie underneath him. He rubbed himself with one hand and put an experimental finger inside him with the other. It wasn't long before he was having an orgasm to the thought of sitting on Wade's lap and riding him. The thought of fucking Wade seemed so naughty and forbidden that he couldn't control himself from thinking about anything else when he came. 

Peter got in the shower and shivered. He had to start facing reality; he was in love with his best friend and wanted to fuck him more than anything. Still, he was so busy with his work that he decided he would wait awhile longer and think about what he was going to do about it before acting. Really, he was still terrified of losing his friend if they turned out to be incompatible in a romantic relationship.

Later that night Wade made them watch Dirty Dancing. Dogpool was lying against Wade and had his head in his lap. Peter was sitting upside down on the couch with Spidercat curled into a ball and purring on his chest.

“I can't believe I could have chosen to live a life without these guys! They are so cute, I love them so much,” Peter smiled sweetly at Wade, “I don't think I've ever felt so happy in my life,” it was true.

“So what does that make us then?” Wade grabbed Peter's hand and looked like he was going to kiss him, Peter wanted him to.

Peter held Wade's hand and kissed it, “...Platonic life partners?” He looked up sheepishly at Wade, doe-eyed.

Wade didn't look too enthralled by this, he pulled his hand away from Peters and mussed his hair, “yeah, sure kid,” he breathed out sadly.

Only moments ago Peter had felt happier than ever in his life and now he felt shittier than ever. He really wanted to kiss Wade, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He desperately wanted Wade to make the first move. Most of his sexual fantasies in the past month had involved Wade suddenly grabbing and kissing him passionately and fucking him hard. He kept looking at Wade with love in his eyes but Wade wouldn't look back at him and was visibly annoyed. 

“Wade...” Peter started, trying to think of something to say to make Wade laugh, “I'm... having the time of my life,” Peter started singing and threw his arms out, Wade was already singing along, “and I've never felt this way before! I swear, this is true, and I owe it all to you!” They sung and burst into laughter. Spidercat and Dogpool ran away scared.

“Peter... there's something I really want to do that's been a dream of mine... and I was wondering if you'd help me make it real,” Wade spoke with a misty look in his eyes.

“Ooh, yeah?... What?” Peter flushed.

“Well.. I think it might be more fun if we do it with our costumes on,” Wade was grinning ear to ear.

Ten minutes later Deadpool was standing in the middle of the living room, “no one puts Spidey in a corner!” Spiderman came running and Wade lifted him off the ground like Swayze and spun him around before putting him down.

“OK, now it's my turn!” Deadpool squealed. 

Peter lay in bed that night with a kitten nestled in his neck and resolved to wait until his school work was done to tell Wade how he felt; then he would have enough time to be his boyfriend and show him how much he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very much inspired by this Spiderman/Deadpool gif http://cheesecakecookiecat.tumblr.com/post/139853881319/get-schwifty-and-chill-my-otp-is-canon-shut-the  
> WATCH IT NOW IT WILL GIVE YOU LIFE
> 
> Also I made some shitty fan art that got posted on my favourite tumblr- Ask-Spiderpool!!! http://ask-spiderpool.tumblr.com/post/141448801643/cheesecakecookiecat-quick-doodle-snapped-with
> 
> I haven't installed photoshop, my tablet or scanner in my new computer yet so expect MUCH better fan art from me in the future. I had to draw something quick because yesterday WAS THE MOMENT OF TRUTH FOR PETER AND WADE and it was a hilarious moment indeed, so I'm glad I snuck that in before Wade's response was posted.


	9. The Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mamihlapinatapai: a look shared by two people, each wanting something, each hoping the other will initiate it, neither wanting to initiate it themselves. Peter wants Wade to kiss him, Wade wants Peter to kiss him. Neither is giving in first. Epic pining and picnics on the beach!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like how we never know what Peter's thesis is or what the hell he's studying. We don't need your science crap, Parker. Just give us the booty.
> 
> GRAMMAR HELP: wasn't sure how to write the imaginary conversations, so when's someone thinking dialogue it's written like 'this' (sometimes not tho). help anyone?
> 
> First time I tried writing the boxes, wasn't planning on doing it in this fic but it needed to happen.
> 
> I wrote in a previous chapter that Wade's scars prevented him from blushing. FUCK THAT I need blushing Wade like I need air.
> 
> I struggled with writing this chapter at first because I knew I wasn't going to give my characters or my readers what they wanted. Half-way through I loved the comedy and imagery too much to give any fucks. Peter is blind to the fact that everyone on the beach is drooling over him while his only focus is seducing Wade and I love that.

“You are going to kiss me, Wade Wilson,” Peter whispered to himself in the mirror while trying to pose sexily, “oh yes, you are going to kiss me, fucking finally.” Peter was wearing his white and red striped t-shirt with tight blue jean shorts that cut off at the knee. He looked at his well-defined booty feeling confident.

Peter was being a complete dumbass for not just telling Wade about his feelings and kissing him. No, he had to be stubborn and make Wade be the one to initiate the hot make-outs and love confessions. Peter was embracing his new sexuality but was still putting Victorian constraints on it; he thought of himself as a delicate flower that wasn't permitted to propose having sex with a man because it would be too improper. He was fixated on his sexual fantasy of driving Wade mad with his coy flirtatiousness. Eventually Wade would have no choice but to jump his bones like a caveman, or a perverted Victorian gentleman.

Peter should have just gone up to Wade and kissed him in order to get his message sent. Over a day ago he had finished delivering his thesis. The night before when he was stressed and still going over his presentation Wade had come up behind him to give him a friendly back rub. Peter couldn't resist, he needed Wade to touch him everywhere. When Wade massaged the muscles in his neck he had let out a few moans. 

“It feels so good when you touch me,” Peter had gasped out. Two seconds later Wade was hunched over and pretending he had to use the bathroom. 

'Damn,' Peter thought, 'maybe I should see if he needs help? Gah, he should be touching me instead of himself!' Peter wanted to make a move but he was still too nervous and he really had to finish prepping.

His thesis proposal had been perfect and Peter felt satisfied knowing he aced it. Now he could focus on more important things, like making Wade crazy with lust. Last night he had even closed his eyes and parted his lips while thinking that Wade was going to kiss him. He opened his eyes a moment later and saw that Wade had walked over to pet Dogpool without even noticing Peter swoon. Peter felt like a total idiot for misinterpreting the moment before when they had been talking in hushed tones and standing very close together. He was now driven more than ever to get Wade to kiss him and he told himself today he would not fail.

“Good morning!” Peter strolled into the kitchen. He stopped and stared because Wade was standing shirtless in the kitchen with the sun beaming down on him. Peter was watching the light hit every scar, muscle and line on his back move while Wade cooked breakfast clad only in jeans. 

“Morning, sunshine,” Wade turned to him, grinning and radiating sexuality. Peter scurried over and sat by the kitchen counter. He let Wade chatter on about the food he was making which was a classic eggs Benedict with asparagus, dill, and smoked salmon. Lately Wade had been doing a lot of cooking and gardening. Peter wondered if he was trying to be the perfect housewife for him but Wade seemed to be enjoying himself all on his own without Peter. Their roof had a small garden and Wade had started growing vegetables, herbs, and edible flowers everywhere, in soil beds and in pots. 

Wade said he was just being financially savvy by growing and cooking his own food but Peter could tell he was having fun assuming a nurturing, domestic role. Peter would help him in his garden whenever he had spare time and Wade made them dinner almost every night, which Peter greatly appreciated since he had been so busy he kept forgetting to eat.

“Peter, my eyes are up here,” Wade smiled and brought Peter's focus back to the present, “you keep staring at my tits.”

“Oh...” Peter had been too busy admiring his hard body and hadn't listened to most of what he had said, “well, you do have amazing tits,” was Peter's attempt at flirting.

Wade laughed, “how sweet of you to say,” he kept giggling while finishing making them breakfast.

Wade pulled up a stool beside Peter and they ate. Summer had finally arrived and it was a hot day with nothing but blue skies.

“It's so beautiful outside! I think we should go to Coney Island,” and tempt Wade with my cute butt in swim shorts, Peter schemed. 

“Yeah, you and half of New York. We have a pool on our roof y'know. One that you barely use.”  
Wade didn't feel like wading through huge crowds to try to find a spot on the beach. Not to mention he hated having hundreds of people in public constantly staring at him.

“Aww, but it'll be so much fun! Also it's only Thursday, that's not nearly as busy as it is on the weekends. I need the surf and sand! I want to bring food and have a picnic on the beach, I've been dreaming of it for the past month.” Peter was mastering his abilities at being cute and endearing.

Wade sighed, “Fiiiine. Whatever my baby boy wants, baby boy gets.” 

“Unfortunately Dogpool isn't allowed on the beach. However, I know an elderly lady living in the building who could dog sit for a day, ” Peter said while petting their cute three-legged dog who had been wagging his tail and sitting by them the whole time they ate.

Wade sighed and took their empty plates and started to clean. Peter wanted to help, but he also just wanted to sit and stare at Wade's torso.

“I'm gonna go buy some food for our picnic! I'll be back in around 30-40 minutes,” Peter said and stood up.

“Alright,” Wade noticed that Peter still hadn't moved or stopped looking at his body despite making his declarations over 30 seconds ago, “are you checking me out? Fantasizing about my hot, hot body?” Wade said sarcastically while glancing over his shoulder slyly.

“Trying not too,” Peter threw out while walking away.

“Wait- what- are you serious?” Wade was more than a little addled and flustered, “are you actually admitting to struggling to not fantasize about me?”

“Well yes, because knowing how kinky you are there would be some weird shit involving sombreros, tutus, and tennis rackets.” Peter was sitting on the floor putting on his shoes.

Wade was bent over laughing for a solid minute, “hey, you're the one with the kinky, fucked-up mind. Tennis rackets? What would you even do with those?”

“Play tennis? Spanking? Something else? I'll let you decide,” Peter shrugged and winked, about to leave.

“Wait- Peter- So since you've hypothetically thought about this......Which one of us would be on top?” Wade raised a non-existent eyebrow and grinned while leaning on the kitchen counter.

“We'd both take turns until you'd lose all your bottom privileges by screaming 'fill me with your spider babies' as I came,” Peter said it like it was obvious. Wade couldn't stop laughing so Peter just waved at him before exiting.

Wade was in shock. Was Peter actually coming on to him or was he just being funny and messing with his head? He had lost hope that Peter had any sexual interest in him and now he wasn't so sure. There had been so many times lately where he felt like he should kiss Peter but the voices in his head were both shouting at him not to.

Wade went into Peter's room and collapsed onto his bed, grabbing his pillow and breathing in the wonderful scent. Had Peter touched himself while thinking about him? Wade was already half hard mulling it over, he whipped his cock out and caressed it.

Peter would be wearing a pink tutu and standing with the back of it hitched up his ass, cheeks pressing into Wade's hardness. Wade would reach around to grab Peter's stiff cock under the tulle. He would tease it with long, slow strokes until Peter begged for more.

'Really? The tutu?' Peter would say.

'Hey, this was your idea. I haven't imagined this before. Sombreros were too funny and tennis rackets are a little too weird so tutus it is.' Wade would say into his ear before nibbling on it, 'I think you better lie on the bed so we can test your flexibility.”

Wade would push him onto the bed and spread his legs as wide apart as possible before licking him all over his cock, making Peter whimper and tremble. He would suck him off, letting his saliva run down his length and onto his balls. He'd work him with just his mouth until Peter was ready to cum, then he'd pull back and make Peter suck his fingers before gently finger fucking his ass. 

'Mmm, Wade, I need to feel all of you,' Peter would moan, pushing into him after a few minutes of the slow, delicious torture, wanting the touch to go deeper.

'Whatever baby boy wants he gets,' he'd say before coating his dick with lube and pushing it inside Peter, groaning at the tightness and the heat. Peter would be trying not to scream and arching his back gracefully. He'd hold down Peter's legs and stretch them out as wide as he could while he fucked into him. Then he'd bring Peter's legs over his shoulder and move his hips faster while jerking him off. 

Wade didn't continue the fantasy because his orgasm took over. He cleaned himself off with some tissues, threw them out and snuggled into Peter's bed. He hugged the pillow wishing he was holding Peter and making him feel more loved than anyone ever had before.

He still didn't understand why Peter was so uninterested in sex. He liked to think that maybe Peter's experiences with women weren't very memorable, that maybe Peter just needed a lover who would make him feel sexy and worshiped. Maybe Peter had a secret preference for men that he hadn't come to terms with yet? Or maybe Peter was more asexual and his brain just worked in different ways. Maybe sex wasn't a necessary part of a relationship for him. Wade voted for secretly gay because that would work more in his favour.

After a few moments Wade got up and started to gather all his supplies for going to the beach. Before he knew it Peter came home and they were both preparing a picnic together. Wade had thrown on a form-fitting black t-shirt, a black baseball hat and sunglasses. He had already filled a giant black gym bag with unknown supplies and was ready to go. Peter went into his room to put his swim shorts on under his clothes. He grabbed a canvas bag with a towel, flip-flops, sunglasses, a book and sun lotion and soon they were off.

The beach was packed but they eventually found a spot right in front of the water. Wade had obtained a huge umbrella in their travels since he didn't want everyone at the beach to stare at his exposed skin. However, he couldn't have cared less about that at the moment because Peter was slowly peeling of his shirt, then sticking out his butt while pulling down his shorts to reveal a cute, tight pair of blue swim shorts that showed off his ass even better than his Spiderman suit.

“You want to have lunch first or go swimming?” Wade said looking shyly over his sunglasses, setting up the beach towel and umbrella.

“Do you want to go swimming?” Peter knelt down next to Wade, peering over his sunglasses as well.

“Not until later, when the crowd dies down,” Wade tried to make his face look blank and hid the direction of his eyes behind his shades. “Feel free to go swimming, Aunt May insisted I get some cute pictures of you,” Wade smirked while taking Peter's camera out of his bag.

“I was looking for that! OK, we'll have lunch and then maybe I'll let you play with my camera,” Peter smirked right back at him, “oh, but first maybe you could help me put some sunscreen on my back?” Peter reddened and turned away, taking out the sunscreen from his bag and tossing it to Wade.

Wade bit back a groan. He couldn't help but think of a memorable comic strip of him applying sunscreen to Cable. Now he found himself obsessed with the muscles on Peter's back. Peter sat with his head on his knees and hummed as Wade ran his hands over his shoulders, back and arms. Wade's erection was getting uncomfortable and he was starting to feel like he wanted to go swim in the cool water. Peter was as happy and content as a cat, he would have purred if he could.

Peter was lost in his own thoughts and fantasies, it took him a minute to realize Wade had finished touching him and already set out half their picnic, the basket had been moved in between them. Peter helped him put out the food and deliberately placed the basket back off to the side.

They relaxed a bit and ate sandwiches, they each made two so Peter could exchange his pitiful peanut butter and jelly for Wade's sub which was intricately layered with vegetables, meat and cheese. Afterwards they ate fruit. Peter drank lemonade, Wade put a strawberry between Peter's lips and he bit into it slowly.

Peter chewed the strawberry and blushed to a similar colour. “Why do I always let you do that?” 

“You mean let me feed you? Because you love it.” Wade had been feeding Peter bites of his food lately, he relished whenever Peter gave in which turned out to be every time.

“God help me, I do,” was Peter's bold response. He picked up a strawberry and put it in front of Wade's mouth, “now it's your turn,” it was Wade's turn to blush and be fed.

They finished eating and cleared their lunch away. “You can't escape your fate any longer Pete, picture time!” Wade picked the camera and began clicking it constantly while Peter put his hands in front of his face. 

Peter grabbed the camera, “only if you take a picture with me,” he sat down next to Wade and put the camera in front of them. He snapped an awkward photo of them both wearing sunglasses and smiling. Peter, hoping Wade would turn to kiss his cheek at the same time, turned to kiss Wade's cheek, and clicked the camera.

“OK, you can take pictures of me now,” Peter gently put the camera back into Wade's hands. Wade just sat there frozen. “I'm gonna swim in the water now!” Peter got up and ran, mostly from embarrassment.

Wade came back to reality and started taking pictures of Peter running in the water. He reached into his bag and put on some music with his phone and portable speakers, playing the Beach Boys. Wade pulled out an empty inflatable beach ball, blew it up and tossed it to Peter.

“What am I supposed to do with this if you are too busy taking pictures to toss it back to me?” Peter threw the ball in the air and caught it.

“Pose, dammit!” Wade laughed while clicking pictures of Peter being an adorable beach babe.

A blond girl in a red bikini walked over to Peter. “Excuse me, want to join our beach volleyball group? We're short a person,” she introduced herself while batting her eyelashes at him.

“Errr...” Peter didn't really want to.

“Yes, he will!” Wade shouted. Peter shot him a perturbed sideways glance. 

“Sure, I guess, in a minute,” Peter said and then went over to Wade, “Wade, what the hell?”

“Good god Peter, have some fun for fuck's sake! I know you think girls are pretty, so just enjoy having all those lovely ladies fawn over you,” Wade smiled encouragingly at Peter.

It turned out that the group that wanted Peter to play volleyball were all women. They were nice enough to ask Wade to join but he refused, “I'm helping my friend here develop his modelling portfolio, you wouldn't mind if I took some pictures?” Wade asked. They agreed, many asked him to send them pictures.

Peter was pissed thinking about how Wade was just using him to take photos of girls bouncing around in bikinis. He meant to take it easy on the group but ended up absolutely destroying everyone at volleyball, which just made Wade and all the girls swoon. A few girls even went up to Wade to ask if Peter was single and if Wade could pass on his number.

Peter was starting to get fed up so he said thank you to all the ladies for the inviting them to join before dragging Wade away by the shirt.

“Get enough pictures of girls to add to my fake modelling portfolio?” Peter growled.

“Aw, c'mon Peter, you know I do it for you! You're too shy to show interest in anyone. All those girls want you! You should invite a few of them over, oh but first let me sneak a few cameras in your bedroom, please, for your best buddy Wade?” Wade tried to joke but he could sense Peter glaring at him behind his sunglasses.

“Not happening. Ever. I can't believe you,” Peter's voice was thundering and then quiet.

“Are you serious? If you turn down any of those women you are the gayest rainbow unicorn that ever gayed!” Wade protested. They were back on their beach blanket sitting down. Meanwhile, the beach blanket and umbrella Wade had brought were both rainbow striped.

“Well you're a straight man pretending to be gay!” Peter burst out angrily, hoping a second later he hadn't yelled it too loud.

“Ouch. That stings. Especially since, you know...” Wade creeped up behind Peter's huddled form and breathed down his neck, making Peter shiver, “you're cute when you're jealous but I think if anyone should be jealous it's me,” Wade then began to tickle Peter furiously, Peter screamed and ran away into the water. 

“Okay, I'm going to go swimming too, I just need to go get changed, make sure no one takes our stuff!” Wade shouted. Several minutes later he emerged on the beach wearing a full body Deadpool wet suit complete with a Deadpool mask for swimming, goggles, a snorkel and flippers. Peter giggled and couldn't help but feel even more madly in love with Wade. They swam around, splashing and chasing each other.

“I think I'm gonna lie on the beach for awhile and finally read a book that isn't required reading for school,” Peter got out of the water dripping and began to lay on his stomach on their beach towel. Wade joined him for a minute to put on the album Crazy for You by Best Coast and ran off into the water to have his own fun.

Peter looked over his shoulder as Wade's body retreated underneath the water. Peter was familiar with the music because Wade would often blast it at home. He couldn't help but sing along in a tiny whisper:

“I wish he was my boyfriend, I wish he was my boyfriend, I'd love him till the very end but instead he is just a friend, I wish he was my boyfriend,” Peter smiled to himself while trying to read and failing utterly. He grabbed his camera from Wade's bag to see what photos Wade had taken. His heart grew seeing that all the photos were of him even though Wade had ample opportunity to take pictures of busty girls. In fact, at least half the photos were close ups of his butt and abs.

When Wade returned he saw Peter just sitting and staring out at the dying sun. Peter waved him over.

“So, those girls send you any naughty texts yet? Any foursome plans for tonight? You know if I had your face and body I would have fucked half of New York by now, well, at least the fuckable half,” Wade greeted him stupidly. Peter frowned.

"So is that all you care about? Screwing as many people as possible?" Peter sounded woeful but Wade didn't catch on.

"Well, you only live once... Although I guess in my case that doesn't really apply. I'm going to have to rethink this whole YOLO philosophy..."

“Wade Wilson,” Peter put on his sunglasses to hide any hurt that might have been in his eyes, “do I really have to invoke the power of George Michael to teach you about the awesomeness of monogamy?” Peter grinned before plugging his phone into the portable speakers and playing the song I Want Your Sex.

Wade whooped and began dancing like a jackass in his Deadpool wet suit. He mimed tapping a cowbell and then slapping an ass. Peter laughed and tried to take pictures of him. Wade knew all the words, of course. Wade was prone to blaring these George Michael songs the most: 3. Father Figure, which Peter would threaten to revoke his pacifist ways and shoot him in the face if he ever serenaded it to him again. 2. Faith, which made Peter throw objects at him, even if he laughed the whole time. 1. I Want Your Sex, which didn't provoke any reaction from Peter because he admitted to finding the song catchy and funny.

Peter shook his head and sang the lyrics with Wade dancing and him sitting, Wade tried to pull him up to dance with him. Peter resisted at first but gave in, a minute late there were random girls trying to get in on their silly dance party and Peter almost kissed Wade to make his point clear to everyone else that he wasn't interested. He didn't, but he wouldn't let anyone else touch him.

At the end of the song Peter grabbed onto to Wade's arm, “can we go home and have sex now?” He said in a high, clear voice, trying to get his point across to any girls that were about to try to talk to him.

Wade gawked at Peter through his goggles while the girls walked away. “Are you fucking serious?” He reached over to grab Peter's booty and Peter yelped and giggled, brushing him off.

“Well, I'd really like to watch that show In The Flesh with you since you are always talking about it, especially now that I'm done school and have time for a life again,” Peter started blushing, “and... We can snuggle?” Peter was so mortified at his forwardness he didn't even wait for Wade's response, he just went to pack up their belongings while Wade stared at him.

Peter grabbed Wade's hand as they walked down the boardwalk under the setting sun. “First ice cream, and then we pick up Dogpool from the neighbours and take him for a walk. Oh, and afterwards I'm ordering takeout, I'm craving pad thai. No crime fighting tonight, New York is going to have to take care of itself.”

They got giant ice cream cones on the way home, “Vanilla? You're so boring Peter,” Wade said while eating his own ice cream.

“Hehehehe, you got chocolate banana nut... HAHAHAHA!” Peter laughed hysterically and looked up at Wade, red in the cheeks, slowly and suggestively eating his ice cream. Wade blushed and smiled nervously, trying to look away.

They got home and took Dogpool for a walk, then started watching In The Flesh, a show Wade had hyped up with promises of hot, gay, zombie boyfriends. They ordered and ate Thai food. Afterwards Peter cleared up their empty containers and turned off the lights. Wade had already started the next episode, a cute sleepy Spidercat was purring in Wade's lap and Peter was feeling a bit jealous. Peter curled up next to Wade and gently rested his head on his shoulder.

Wade put his arm around Peter and started running his fingers through his hair which made Peter shudder and snuggle closer into him. Wade was petting Spidercat and Spiderman at the same time which made him unbelievably happy. 

Eventually Spidercat got distracted by Dogpool and walked off, Peter seized the opportunity and put his head on Wade's lap, “don't you love when cats leave a warm spot for you?” Peter joked, sounding surprisingly smooth.

“HAHAHAH!” Wade laughed loud and nervous, he put a pillow between Peter's head and his lap, not wanting any accidental boners to poke Peter in the face. Peter hated the pillow for thwarting his plans. Wade kept stroking his hair which made Peter forget about hating the pillow. He relaxed and enjoyed the head massage, sighing appreciatively. 

Peter was trying to put all his genius into seducing Wade, he was greatly enjoying it even if he wasn't actually sure if he was succeeding. The episode ended and then Peter looked up at Wade, touching his face to get his attention and running his fingers down his jaw.

“Wade..” Peter tried to look up at him in a way that was lusty and sexy.

“Peter! Boop!” Wade poked the tip of his nose. “As much as I love your head in my lap I need to pee. Also, I'm crazy thirsty, want some water?” Wade smiled happily at him.

Peter blinked, then lifted himself off, “OK...” He said feeling more than a little awkward. Was he not flirting enough or was Wade just not interested in him anymore?

They watched the next episode with only the television illuminating them. Peter had taken the pillow and was laying down on the opposite side of the couch with his legs over Wade. He wanted to think of another way to make Wade kiss him but he found himself too engrossed in the show. By the time they were halfway through episode four Peter was fast asleep on the couch.

The episode finished and Wade touched Peter's leg. “Peter, are you awake?” Peter was out cold. Wade sighed happily and smiled. He pulled Peter's legs down until he had his booty in his lap and carried him in his arms off into his bedroom.

Peter hadn't even woke up, Wade tried to place him in a comfortable position. He kissed his forehead and looked at him for a long time while sitting on the end of his bed, often sighing and taking deep breathes.

{We should kiss him.}

[No, we really shouldn't}

{I can't believe we actually booped his nose}

[Yeah, what the fuck was that about?]

{We need to kiss him right now]

[We can't take advantage of Peter while he's sleeping, that's sick]

{Just a little kiss...}

[Peter trusts us and he's our best friend, don't you dare fuck it up]

{What if we just snuggle into him?}

[So we end up getting an erection while snuggling into him a little too much, then Peter wakes up and freaks out because we're molesting him]

{Waaaaaaaah, I want it I want it I want it}

[I know. Me too. Fuck.]

Wade let the voices in his head have their battle and tried to tune them out. “Peter, can you hear me?” Peter snored gently.

“I'm so in love with you it's making me insane, I want you so much but I know I can't, that you don't want-” Wade paused and willed his hands to not reach out and touch Peter, “I'm losing control and I don't ever want to make you feel violated or betrayed. I want you to know I'm yours if you want me, but for now... I need an outlet, I'm dying of sexual frustration. I don't know if you know what that feels like, but... AW, fuck it.” Wade crushed his hands into his face before standing up. “I'll see you tomorrow, OK Pete?” Wade couldn't help smiling at his stupidity as he gently moved Peter's head up and down to make it look like he was nodding in response. Peter didn't flinch, he was so unconscious.

Wade put on his Deadpool costume and left for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue Careless Whisper.
> 
> Wade purposely wants to make Peter jealous. The thought of jealous, horny Peter makes Wade soak his panties.
> 
> EVERYONE GO WATCH IN THE FLESH, I need to re-watch the hottest gay boy couple that has ever appeared onscreen.
> 
> Next chapter: DOESN'T IT HURT? JEALOUSY, BABY, DOESN'T IT BURN? JEALOUSY, DOESN'T IT CONSUME YOUR SOUL, MAKING YOU LOSE CONTROL, JEALOUSSSSY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LptOaJpvrc4
> 
> Jealousy is such an interesting, complex emotion. I think it's something that would definitely come between Peter and Wade, I think fanfic writers often ignore it. Jealousy can be toxic and destructive, but it can also be used to add fuel to a fire. Like any negative emotion it can still be channeled in constructive ways. Think about that next time you feel jealous.
> 
> Hahahahahah, chocolate banana nut is the gayest ice cream flavour in existence. I am making it happen in my reality ASAP.
> 
> I'm obsessed with the song I Want Your Sex. I headcanon it's Wade's favourite song.


	10. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Wade FINALLY KISS AND GET TOGETHER, but not before I torture Peter one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, folks. Enjoy.
> 
> There's two more chapters of smut to come after this, then I'm happily leaving this be and writing other Spideypool fic.

Peter woke up that morning with a raging erection. “Goddammit,” he hissed.

He realized he had failed. Last night he was supposed to kiss Wade and he'd fallen asleep. He was so mad at himself and sexually frustrated he jumped out of bed, running to the bathroom to brush his teeth while throwing off all the clothes he'd slept in. A minute later he was bounding naked into the living room, hard-on bouncing with his quick steps. He started to feel self-conscious so he grabbed a pillow to cover his front. 

Peter knocked on Wade's door. “Wade, are you awake? I need a hand with something,” His hands were trembling and his face, neck and chest were red. He pushed open the door to find the room empty.

“Wade? Are you here?” Peter raised his voice to the room. Peter felt something wet touch his butt and yelped, it was Doogpool's nose. Dogpool barked at him and whined, he needed Peter to take him outside to pee. 

“Hey boy, where's Wade? Usually he takes you out and lets me sleep in...” Peter sighed, He grabbed a red robe from Wade's closet and took Dogpool up to the roof. Wade had been considerate in giving Dogpool a patch of dirt to do his business in so he wouldn't attack his plants. Peter had checked the entire condo by now and hadn't found Wade anywhere. His erection had faded a while ago and he couldn't help but feel anxious.

Peter decided he'd take a shower, get dressed and then take Dogpool outside for a walk and see if he could find Wade nearby. He was probably at a cafe, about to bring something back for Peter. Although Peter had very strong doubts because Wade would always take Dogpool with him when he went on a coffee run.

Peter thought about touching himself in the shower but resolved that he was going to save it for Wade and pounce him the moment he saw him. Peter finished his shower, dried off his body and shook the towel over his head. He combed his wet hair so it was slicked-back.

He went into his bedroom and put on his tight black pants and a white tank. He grabbed a black, grey and white plaid collared shirt and put it on, rolling the sleeves up and leaving it unbuttoned. He grabbed his sunglasses and left with Dogpool looking like a rock star on his day off. 

Peter walked past all the nearby parks and coffee shops. He desperately wanted coffee but he kept expecting to turn a corner and see Wade's smiling face with two drinks in hand. Peter would carefully take his coffee before proceeding to kiss Wade's face.

After walking around for forty minutes Peter gave in and got coffee, he went home hoping that maybe he had missed Wade and he would be home already. He was disappointed to open the door and find it quiet and still inside. Peter sat on the couch where Spidercat was sleeping and laid his head near her, scratching her neck and letting her purrs soothe him. He re-watched episode four of In The Flesh since he'd fallen asleep half-way through it. It was a good distraction but his heart grew heavier when the episode ended and Wade still wasn't home.

Of course he had fallen asleep early so he'd woken early as well, by now it was only 9:30 am. He went to the roof with Dogpool to look at Wade's plants and drink the dregs of his now cold coffee. He kept checking his phone every minute. 

Peter went downstairs to the kitchen to try to forge a breakfast. He cut up a banana and threw it into a bowl with cornflakes and milk. He didn't feel very hungry so his chewing was slow and deliberate. Suddenly he heard the door open and his heart leaped.

“Wade! Er, Deadpool. G'morning... Where were you?” Peter saw Wade swagger in dressed as Deadpool.

“Morning! Was out last night hooking up with some twink at a BDSM club,” Wade said indifferently.

“Oh.” Peter dropped his spoon into his bowl of cereal, splashes of milk scattered over the table.

“Yeah, there's this place that does a special superhero themed night on Thursdays. I almost hooked up with another person dressed as Deadpool but his costume sucked. Was hoping to find a Spiderman but no luck. I hit it off with a brunet dressed as Hawkeye. Which is a damn cute outfit by the way. Total cutie too, and such a freak, you should hear about some of the things he wanted me to do-”

“I'd rather not.” Peter gulped and was looking down at the floor. He didn't know if he felt sad or angry right now; it was an empty, dead feeling that churned in his stomach. 

Wade took off his mask and walked over to the kitchen, not listening to Peter,“some of the weirdest shit I've ever done. He wanted me to feed him chocolate pudding. Actual chocolate pudding, nothing gross-” 

“Wade! SHUT UP!” Peter angrily dumped his cereal in the kitchen sink even though he had barely eaten it. He stormed off to his bedroom. 

“What's wrong Petey? Are you... JEALOUS?” Wade said with an evil grin on his face, walking behind Peter. He leaned into his door frame with his arms crossed while watching Peter pack his Spiderman suit and some books into his backpack. 

“Why would I be jealous, Wade?” Peter glared vehemently at him, saying his name with venom.

“Oh, Gee, Pete, I don't know. Maybe you should tell me why?” Wade challenged him while remaining chipper.

“What kind of friend would I be to be jealous of my friend having a little fun?” Peter threw his backpack over his shoulder and pushed Wade out of his way to walk past him. “After all, I wouldn't want to destroy your happiness since having casual sex with other people is what makes you happy!” Peter spat out.

“Wait, wait. You could have just ended it at casual sex, but you said casual sex with OTHER people. It's not like we're having sex with each other, Peter,” Wade's smile was bigger than ever but his eyes looked intimidating.

“Oh, GEE, Wade! I had no idea!” Peter yelled out sarcastically while flailing his arms, He flipped Wade off and rushed out the front door.

Wade grabbed the door and swung it open before Peter could slam it, “why don't you just tell me how you feel instead of running from me, Peter?” his expression was stern but his voice was soft.

“No. No, you don't get to go out and fuck some random stranger and then get to know how I feel. Especially not after I was-” Peter ran down the hall and opened the door that led to the stairs.

Wade ran after him and yelled at his retreating figure going down the staircase, “Peter, you're off work this week and you're done school, where are you going?”

“Away from you, jackass. Don't even think of following me unless you want me to punch you in the dick.” Wade let Peter go.

Wade was feeling like an idiot for not returning Peter's now obvious advances from yesterday. He was furious with himself. Still, the boxes were cackling madly and his grin was just as insane. 

“He's jealous,” Wade said victoriously to himself.

Peter was feeling dumb, so dumb. Dumb because he didn't grab Wade's face yesterday and kiss him before Wade did something stupid. Also, he was dumb because he actually thought he was the only person Wade would want to be with. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Peter didn't know where he was going but ended up at the library. He wandered the shelves aimlessly, randomly skimming through books. He had brought his own books to read but he couldn't seem to hold his focus on anything for more than a minute. His head hurt and his stomach felt sick. 

Wade kept trying to call him every ten minutes so he just turned off his phone. He was too mad and upset to talk to Wade. He spent the whole day sitting in random places of the library and hiding his face in different books trying not to cry. Occasionally he would cry because his heart was breaking thinking how he couldn't be with the person he was in love with because they wanted different things in a relationship.

Wade spent the day wandering the streets of New York with Dogpool hoping he'd find Peter. His nerves were on edge. His heart would sink and then do flip-flops. Wade wasn't even sure what he would say. He wanted to silence Peter the instant he saw him with a kiss.

Peter was resolute on not kissing Wade. He told himself it was pointless, even if they wanted to kiss each other, that they wouldn't be happy together. Really, his jealousy was getting in the way of him seeing that now was as good a time as any to get to the kissing part.

The sun was going down. Peter couldn't wait to put on his Spiderman suit and swing around looking for a fight to break up. He took his belongings and climbed to an empty rooftop to change, travelling around New York for an hour or so before finding some suspicious activity. He spotted a figure jumping across rooftops dressed as a stereotypical ninja. He wasn't sure what they were up to but he was determined to find out.

Meanwhile, Wade was frustrated and panicking. He had looked for Peter all day and couldn't reach him. He paced back and forth through the kitchen, looking at his phone even though he knew it was pointless since he hadn't received any calls or messages. He realized the sun was almost down and that Peter had taken his spider suit with him. Wade put on his Deadpool outfit hoping he could catch Spiderman.

Spiderman was fighting what Deadpool could only assume was a ninja when he found him on a random rooftop. “Hey Spidey! Cool ninja boss battle! Hey, can we talk?”

Spiderman was struggling to keep pace with his enemy, they were exchanging blow for blow. “Not really the time,” he grunted.

“Wow, me thinks this ninja must have some kind of super strength if you haven't webbed them by now. Why haven't you webbed them? It would be so easy,” Wade cheered on Spiderman from the sidelines.

Spiderman darted back and shot out a few webs but the ninja assassin dodged each one.

“Damn, she's fast!” Wade whistled.

“But I'm faster!” Spiderman tripped up the ninja but then got knocked to the ground himself.

“Doesn't seem li-” Wade stopped talking because the ninja had jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his body to prevent his arms from moving. She squeezed Wade's neck trying to choke the life out of him.

"Get your hands OFF my boyfriend!" Spiderman gritted loudly through his teeth while grabbing and throwing the ninja assassin off Deadpool.

The white eyes in Deadpool's mask widened into circles "Oh Spidey, you do love me!" Wade was on his knees now with his hands clasped together.

Spiderman faltered "What- I- I meant- best friend. You're my be-" he didn't finish that sentence as the assassin retaliated too fast with a swift kick to his head and knocked him unconscious.

Deadpool shot the assassin full of tranquilizers before she knew what was happening. “Get your feet OFF my boyfriend! ...Doesn't have the same ring to it as hands, but still feels good to say.”

Wade took Spider man's web shooters and quickly webbed her up, drooping her over the building and letting her hang upside down. He picked up Spidey and threw him over his shoulder, skipping away and whistling.

Wade distracted himself over the next hour by thinking about the day Peter had asked him to live with him and all his favourite moments leading up to this one, when Peter would wake up.

When Peter awoke he was lying in a hospital bed with Wade holding his hand and resting his hooded head next to it.

“Hi,” Peter croaked and squeezed his hand.

“Peter,” Wade breathed out in relief and looked up. Peter wiped away a tear gathering in his eyes. “You were unconscious for at least an hour. I started to worry so I quickly and discreetly changed you out of your suit and brought you to the ER. Found your backpack in your usual hiding spot by the way, it's right here. How are you feeling, beautiful boyfriend?”

Peter smiled, “I'm never going to live that down, am I?”

Wade sighed happily and kissed his hand, “you remembered, thank god. That means your brain didn't get too messed up by that crazy, super strong ninja chick.”

A nurse came by and brought a doctor to run Peter through a few tests and scans to make sure his brain wasn't damaged. The doctor said Peter would be fine and just needed to get some rest. Before Peter and Wade could leave the doctor halted them and peered over his glasses.

“Oh, and boys, no sex right after a concussion.” 

Wade laughed and put his arm around Peter's shoulder. They walked out of the hospital and hailed a cab, entirely silent through their journey home. While sitting in the car Peter glanced sheepishly at Wade who had his arms crossed and was looking out the window. Peter took his phone out of his backpack and turned it on. He exhaled louder than he would have liked at seeing over a hundred missed calls from Wade. He read the text Wade had sent:

[Peter, I'm sorry if I made you jealous. Actually, I'm not sorry because if there's even the smallest chance that you want me then I need to see you and kiss you and love you right now. I don't want to be with anyone else but you]

Peter sighed and looked over at Wade, who was still looking at anything except Peter. They were silent getting out of the cab until they entered their home and Peter locked the door behind them.

“Wade, we need to talk,” Peter began.

“About what, sweet boyfriend?” Wade responded without turning around.

“Well, about that,” this was it, Peter had to tell Wade how he felt.

Wade took a deep breath, “can't we just go to bed and talk about this when we wake up? It's 3 am Peter, you can break my heart in the morning.”

“No, we gotta talk now. Wade I-” 

Wade turned around, looking directly into Peter's eyes, “if we're going to do this now then just let me say my bit first, OK? It's really fucking hard being so fucking in love with you and never being able to... I know you aren't really interested in sex, and maybe you do even have some kind of romantic feelings towards me but, I don't, I can't see how you could ever really want me like that. I mean... How could you?” Wade had to cover his eyes because he felt like crying and he really didn't want Peter to see that. “I'm just grateful to spend any time with you. Whatever you want from me is yours, you just have to ask me. Just don't tell me I'm your best friend and platonic life partner and then call me your boyfriend, it just hurts my heart too-”

Peter silenced Wade with his lips. Wade hadn't seen him sneak up on him because he'd been covering his eyes. Wade moved his hand to cup Peter's face. Peter grabbed Wade's face with both hands and deepened what had been a sweet, gentle kiss to something more furious and passionate. Wade ran his fingers through Peter's hair and pulled his head back, moaning into the kiss. Peter wound his hands around Wade's neck before running them down his chest and back, grabbing at his ass. Wade groaned and nibbled Peter's lip, reaching around to clutch his butt as well.

After several minutes of heated kisses and hands roaming over bodies, Peter broke the kiss. They were both panting with wet lips. “I.. want... you...” Peter gasped between words and then pulled Wade into another fierce kiss, guiding him backwards towards the couch as he moved against him. Peter pushed Wade onto the couch.

“....And I don't want to share,” Peter straddled Wade's lap and they teasingly slipped their tongues into each others mouths for a couple minutes until Wade pulled away.

“Why... Didn't you just say so?” He looked at Peter adoringly and kissed him all along his neck and ear.

“Because I'm an idiot. Because I wanted you to make the first move. Because I was too scared and nervous.” Peter made cute whimpers while Wade nibbled at his ear lobe and neck.

“I was an idiot too. Let's be idiots together,” Wade put his arms around Peter's neck and kissed the tip of his nose.

“Yes, let's be happy idiots in love” Peter giggled and kissed Wade all over his face, “god, I love you so much.”

Wade gently pulled back Peter's hair and kissed his adam's apple, working his lips down his neck and collarbone before pressing his face into Peter's chest and whimpering. “I love you,” Wade started crying.

Peter kissed his head, “what's wrong?”

“Nothing. I'm just so h-ha-ap-pp-py,” Wade was sobbing quietly and hiccuping.

Peter laughed, “me too, but I can't nail you if you're crying.” Wade just cried harder. Peter rubbed his back and got him to look up at him so he could kiss away the tears.

Wade suddenly laughed, “you're going to nail me?” His voice perked up.

“I am going to nail you everywhere. I'm going to nail you to the floor, the walls, the ceiling. But first...” Peter kissed Wade's jaw and ear before whispering into it, “Maybe you'd like to nail me?” Peter bit Wade's ear lobe and then pulled away to lift his shirt up and off.

“W-wait Peter. The doctor said... No sex.” Wade was trembling. They had felt each others hardness through their pants but Peter was now rocking his hips into his to create a delicious friction.

Peter looked at him very seriously and Wade felt scared. “Wade, this is just a fanfiction, concussions be damned, we are fucking right now. Don't deny me Wade.” He said hotly before sucking on Wade's lower lip and standing briefly to take off his pants. He jumped back into his lap and grinded Wade more needy than ever.

“P-Peter, trust me, I never want to deny you. B-but, we have a responsibility,” Wade would always over dramatize the word responsibility when he used it, “to our readers to show them that sex after a concussion is not safe.”

“Goddamnit Wade!” Peter kissed him hard between sentences and quickened the pace of his hips. “We are goddamn superheros with super healing, I'm totally fine.”

“Yeah, but you got concussed by someone with super strength, Two supers cancel each other out and make it like a regular injury. How are you feeling anyway?” Peter's hands and lips were all over his body and Wade felt like he was drowning in lust.

“I'm fine. OK, I'm a little dizzy but that's just because you're an amazing kisser.” Peter tried to kiss his lips but Wade put his hands on Peter's face to steady him and could tell he looked dazed.

“Peter, let's just snuggle and go to bed. We'll close our eyes and it'll feel like no time has passed when we wake up together.” Wade's voice was very firm, so was his dick for that matter.

“Fuck no,” Peter grabbed his hands and made Wade put them on his ass, “I need you now, need to make you mine,” Peter reached down and squeezed Wade's hardness through his pants. Wade moaned and shuddered. 

“Peter,” Wade took the hand Peter was using to grab at his cock and laced his fingers into his. “I'm yours,” he pulled Peter into a slow intense kiss. Wade grabbed a glass of water beside the couch he'd forgotten earlier in the day while Peter was distracted. “I want you so badly right now. I also want you to know this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you,” Wade dumped the water all over Peter's straining erection.

“WHAT THE FUCK WADE!” Peter jumped up in surprise. Wade couldn't help but laugh, even though the sight of Peter's hard cock all wet and visible through his white, little panties made Wade's penis throb and feel like he was going to burst. They both looked at Peter's dick wilt like a flower from the coldness of the water. 

“I'm sorry Peter! I just really want us to enjoy this together, I don't want the first orgasm I give you to give you a massive headache!” Wade winced, worried what Peter was going to do to him.

“Fine. Fucking fine. Fuck.” Peter tossed off his wet underwear and got on his knees in front of Wade. “I'll wait until tomorrow, but you are not getting off so easy. Or are you?” Peter smirked deviously at Wade and unbuttoned his pants vigourously. 

“Fuck, Peter-” Wade's protests turned into incoherent moans as Peter yanked down his pants to expose him and grabbed at his aching cock, moving his tongue and lips all over him. Peter moaned with his mouth full of Wade's hard dick and Wade moaned much louder, trying to say something sexy but failing at any kind of speech. Peter experimented with the sounds he could make Wade produce from sucking and licking him in different places along his shaft. Then Peter savagely bobbed his hand and head up and down Wade's cock. A minute later Wade was grasping at Peter's hair and screaming as he came into his mouth.

Peter swallowed, relishing the feeling of Wade's throbbing cock settle down in his mouth. Then he fell onto the floor. “Room's spinning, but it was so worth it,” Peter gave a thumbs up to show he was okay.

Wade could barely move he was so well spent but he managed to grab Peter's hand anyway and held onto it. “Are... you OK?”

“I'm great. My head is pounding, maybe that's from all the blood rushing to my dick,” Wade looked down at Peter lying at his feet and saw his cock was red and swollen again. Wade let out a whine, wanting it more than anything he had ever wanted in his existence.

“So that was my first time sucking a cock, and I have to saw it was pretty damn awesome. Was that OK?” Peter asked weakly.

“That was... more than OK. That was... so fucking amazing,” Wade praised him still gasping for air.

Peter pulled on Wade's hand to lift himself up. He stumbled naked over to the kitchen and put some ice in a plastic bag and settled it on his head. Then he put the ice on his dick. “Jesusmotherfuckerchristbitch, that's the worst feeling ever,” He shivered in pain as the ice made his penis shrink. 

Wade came up from behind him and pulled the shorter man into a loving hug. He nuzzled the crook of his neck and groaned happily, “Let's get ready for bed. I'm going to make you feel so good when you wake up, you have no idea. I'm going to spoil you all day,” he peppered kisses all along Peter's neck and shoulder and the smaller man couldn't help but giggle and sigh. 

They brushed their teeth together in the bathroom. Peter was still naked and Wade mostly just stared at him and his reflection. Peter spat out and rinsed, “want to sleep in my bed or yours?”

They looked into Peter's bedroom to see Dogpool and Spidercat curled up together and sleeping. “Looks like it's their bed now, c'mon,” Wade pulled Peter by the hand into his bedroom. They kissed while Peter slowly took off Wade's clothes and collapsed onto the bed. Peter still had the bag of ice and had to frequently apply it to his crotch.

Wade snuggled into Peter's back and held him tightly in his arms, kissing the back of his head, feeling like he could kiss Peter forever even if they were both drained. 

“You're hard again,” Peter smiled and wiggled his bottom against Wade's erection.

“Just ignore it. It's my regeneration powers, two minutes later and I'm recharged and ready for action,” Wade tried not to rub himself into Peter too much, he wanted him to relax.

“Interesting. We'll have to test this out, for reasons of science of course. I wonder how many times you can orgasm in a day before passing out from sheer exhaustion?” Peter murmured into his pillow.

“We'll have to find out in the bonus chapter. Not tomorrow though, tomorrow is all about sweet, tender love-making,” Wade kissed the back of his ear, “now go to sleep so I can make sweet love to you when you wake up.”

“OK, I love you, Wade,” Peter whispered while drifting off.

“I love you, Peter,” Wade wanted to say more but the moment was too perfect and he was too tired to think of anything. They both fell asleep happier than they could ever remember being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the end of my reign of terror making Peter Parker sexually frustrated. I don't think any other Spideypool fanfic I write is going to contain anything other than a dominant power bottom (sometimes top) Peter Parker in full sex panther mode.
> 
> SO chapter 12 is the last chapter, and it's going to be an epic kinky sex fest, please leave some ideas on how you'd like to see Spideypool getting it on. Start placing your bets to see how many times I can make Wade orgasm in one chapter.


	11. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Wade have sex, so much sex. Funny sex, sexy sex, sleepy sex, shower sex, sex with toys, butt worshiping and some daddy kink. You think this is kinky as hell? Wait until the next/last chapter, it's going to have double the amount of kink and sex. Please leave a comment if you want me to write about Spideypool having any kind of sex you want in the next chapter and guess how many times I can make them orgasm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished this chapter, started writing 2 other Spideypool one-shot fics while writing this which I will probably post before the last chapter.
> 
> There's a ask-spiderpool reference at the end, let me know if you catch it. I loved the budget cuts soooo much, I think "I want you to make love to me, buster" is the funniest line ever. 
> 
> If you like listening to music while reading fics play the song Mr. Sandman while you start reading this, it'll set the tone.

The sun tried to wake up Peter early in the morning, so did Wade by kissing his neck and rubbing up against him with his erection. Peter stirred and tried to open his eyes, still dreaming. 

“Hey sleepy boy,” Wade was kissing the back of his head, “how's your head?”

“S'perfect,” Peter mumbled quietly. He tried to grind Wade with his ass but he kept drifting back into sleep.

“Just relax, baby boy,” Wade whispered into his ear and nibbled it. “I'm going to take care of you, if you want. You treated me so nicely last night I need to return the favour.”

“Do me,” Peter groaned with his eyes still shut, trying to not fall back into dreamland.

He almost fell asleep but then felt a shuffling and a warmth under the blanket. Suddenly Wade's mouth completely enveloped his semi-hard cock. It felt so warm, so nice, and that tongue, what the hell was that tongue doing? Peter grew rapidly hard, gasping and gently moving his hips. Wade had Peter's cock all the way down his throat and was still managing to lick him in extraordinary ways Peter didn't even know were possible. He did something with his hands around Peter's balls and cock that was so intricate that Peter couldn't even decipher what was going on in his semi-conscious state. It almost felt like there were two people touching him. He felt cozy and warm with Wade underneath the blanket but lifted it up and was a goner when he saw Wade's lips wrapped around his cock.

Peter let out a choked cry while sitting up and coming into Wade's face. 

He collapsed back unto the bed. Wade kissed his way up his pelvic bone to his stomach, planting many smooches on his belly.

Wade laughed, “god you are so fucking hot, it's ridiculous.” Wade kissed Peter all over his chest. Peter was so spent and tired but Wade's kisses kept making him giggle. Wade lied on top of him and nibbled at his neck.

Peter reached down to touch Wade's hardness pushing against him, “need to take care of you,” he mumbled and kissed Wade's cheek.

Wade brushed the hair off his forehead and kissed him between his eyebrows. Peter was trying to stroke Wade's cock but he only managed to grip it and feel it pulse between his fingers. 

“Go back to sleep, I need to spend some romantic time with your ass,” Wade got off Peter and lazily rolled him onto his side. Peter was too post-orgasmic sleepy to reach behind him and grab at Wade. He enjoyed the experience of Wade stroking his butt and closed his eyes smiling.

“The perfect ass. Praise the lord. Fuck, it is so perfect, I need to kiss it,” Peter hugged his pillow and tittered as he felt Wade kiss him all over his bottom. He let out a yelp when all of a sudden Wade started biting the underside of his butt. 

“Sorry, couldn't help myself,” Wade squeezed Peter's ass in his hands and kissed the small of his back.

“Felt nice,” Peter whimpered into his pillow.

“Good, because I can't control myself around your butt any longer,” Wade licked up the side of his ass, Peter laughed.

“OK, but that kind of tickles,” Peter trembled. He summoned some energy to peer over his shoulder and saw Wade jacking himself off while kneading at his butt cheek with one hand.

Peter shifted so he was flat on his stomach, Wade got up to straddle him from behind and continued masturbating while grabbing at his ass. 

“You can rub into it if you want,” Peter whispered coyly.

“That's a good idea, but I just want to look at it like this right now,” Wade kept tugging at himself with one hand and gripping Peter's bottom with the other. Peter snickered and nuzzled his pillow. He sighed at the relaxing feeling of having his butt massaged. He couldn't help but feel sleep and dreams slowly overtake his consciousness. He drifted off for a few minutes but then he felt something wet cover his ass. A moment later Wade dried him off and he fell back asleep.

When Peter woke up again he was alone. He sat up and saw the time was 2:23 pm. The smell of food wafted from the kitchen and he realized how badly his stomach ached. He hadn't eaten anything for the past 24 hours.

Peter got up and reached into Wade's underwear drawer, he found a tiny pair of blue boy shorts and put them on.

“Hey, sexy,” Peter sauntered into the kitchen, walking like a super model with one foot in front of the other, stretching out his arms above his head and yawning. Wade swung his head around grinning at the sight of Peter in his cute undies. 

“Hey, beautiful. Glad you found those, they don't really fit me, but they look perfect on you,” Wade's eyes twinkled at Peter. Wade was wearing jeans and a wife beater.

“I can't believe I slept in so late,” Peter ran his hand over his head.

“Well we didn't get to bed until late last night and I'm pretty sure you've been sleep deprived for years, what with being Spiderman and constantly studying for school. Today is all about relaxing, among other things.”

Peter closed the distance between them, he turned Wade around and stood up on tip-toes to kiss him, throwing his arms around his neck. Wade grabbed him around his waist and they kissed passionately for a minute before Wade realized the food was about to burn.

“Sorry,” Peter stepped back, “making pancakes?”

“Yes, I know it's such a cliche, I make pancakes for you in every other Spideypool fanfic, but I love it. AND I made banana pancakes since you're all about the man banana now, manana,” Wade flipped over the slightly overcooked pancake and hummed the song Banana Pancakes happily to himself.

Peter's stomach growled, “oh god I didn't eat anything yesterday, I'm soooo hungry.” He found a banana, peeled it and shoved it into his mouth. He noticed Wade was leaning back against the kitchen counter now and staring at him wide-eyed. Peter couldn't help toying with him by sucking on the banana and leaning into Wade to rub himself against his leg. Wade just chuckled.

“Such a cute little spider monkey,” he grabbed Peter's ass. Peter was too hungry, he wolfed down the rest of the banana in two bites, “someone's hungry. Here, I'll eat this slightly burnt pancake and make a better one for you,” 

“Nah, screw stacking pancakes. I'm too hungry, let's just split each of them in half and eat them together the moment they are done,” Wade garnished the pancake with blueberries and maple syrup and they ate off the same plate, occasionally feeding each other bites. After sharing several large pancakes they were full.

Peter poured himself a tall glass of milk and gulped half of it down, Wade took the glass from his hands and kissed his milky lips. 

Wade had put the glass of milk on the counter but Peter grabbed it while he was distracting Wade with his kisses, “pay back is a bitch, ain't it?” he quirked an eyebrow before spilling the milk all over Wade's chest. Wade was startled by the coldness but laughed, throwing off his white tank that was now glued to his muscles. Peter's revenge plan backfired, suddenly he was licking the leftover milk off Wade's chest like a horny little kitten. 

Wade groaned, feeling Peter's tongue slide over his chest, scars, and nipples, licking his way down his stomach until he was on his knees in front of him. 

“Hey, lets continue this in the shower, since you got me all sticky with milk,” Wade lifted Peter off his knees and kept smacking his ass to get him to run into the bathroom. 

Peter peeled off his boy shorts, turned on the shower and hopped in. A few seconds later Wade was in the shower naked and kissing him. The hot water streamed over them. They both grabbed bars of soap and lathered up each others bodies with their hands, caressing every muscle. Wade turned Peter around and slid his hard, soapy cock between Peter's ass cheeks and thigh gap, his dick poking at Peter's balls. He wrapped his hand around Peter's hardness and started pumping it while kissing his back and neck. 

Peter thrust his hips back and forth to lather up Wade's dick with his soapy ass. Wade ran his free hand up Peter's abdomen and chest, stopping for a moment to pinch his nipple, Peter squeaked in response. Wade was twisting one hand around Peter's cock and using the other to slide his index finger between Peter's lips, making him suck on it. Wade drew back his finger from Peter's mouth and removed his cock between his ass cheeks. Peter gasped a moment later to feel Wade insert a finger into his behind.

“So Peter, you've never been with a man before, am I right,” Wade spoke seductively into his ear while thrusting a digit in and out of Peter's ass.

“Mmhmm,” Peter murmured. His body shuddering as he was jerked off and fingered at the same time, .

“Have you ever played with your prostate before?” A fantasy that often played in Wade's head.

“I've used a couple fingers, but nothing bigger,” Peter shyly admitted.

“Fuck, that's hot. We'll eventually get to the main event today, which is my dick in your ass, of course, but first, some finger play,” Wade washed the soap off Peter's dick and got on his knees, grabbing Peter's bottom to turn him around. He licked at Peter's dick and balls while sliding two fingers into the cleft of his cheek and up into his entrance.

Peter let out a strangled noise, tossing back his head and moaning as the water washed over his face. Wade kept quickening the rhythm of his mouth and hands. Peter felt so close but then Wade's mouth popped off him and his fingers retreated. Wade's rubbed Peter's thigh muscles and kissed the cute patch of brown hair around the base of his cock. Peter whimpered.

“Waaaade, why'd you stooop?” Peter pouted and Wade stood up to kiss his flush cheeks.

“Because now that I've got you all to myself I'm going to play with you and tease you all day,” He pressed a soft kiss on Peter's lips before assaulting his mouth with his tongue. Peter grabbed Wade's cock and started yanking it. Wade did the same to Peter. They kissed and pumped each others cocks, Peter couldn't take it much longer, Wade started biting down on his neck and used his free hand to slide his hand over and under Peter's ass, slipping a finger inside him. Peter moaned Wade's name and came into into his hand. 

“Mmmmm,” Peter leaned against Wade all light-headed from his orgasm, “so you like being teased, hmm?”

Peter got out of the shower and towelled himself off. Wade was peeking at him from behind the shower curtain. Peter walked away and Wade stumbled out of the shower, dripping wet.

“Petey! Where are you going?” Wade quickly rubbed a towel over his body and chased after Peter.

“Teasinig you,” Peter sauntered away, his bare ass swaying and making Wade's erection even more painful. Wade ran up behind him, trying to hug and kiss him but Peter grabbed his wrists fiercely and slammed Wade against a nearby wall. “You better wait right here while I grab some lube, got it? Your butt does not stop touching this wall,” Peter kissed him briefly before going into his bedroom and returning with lube.

“Peeeter, pleeease, please me?” Wade's cock was throbbing and dripping. Peter got on his knees in front of him and slowly ran his fingers over his cock, making Wade whine. Wade groaned as Peter gave him little, teasing licks all over the head and shaft of his dick. 

“Alright, you're going to put both of your legs over my shoulders. Now,” Peter demanded, helping Wade lift his legs up onto him. Peter kissed his cock all over, flicking out his tongue randomly and making Wade squirm with delight. Peter lubed up his fingers and pushed his middle finger into Wade's ass, making the taller man gasp loudly. 

Peter started licking and sucking on just the head of Wade's dick, he pushed another finger inside him, curling them to play with Wade's prostate. Wade's moans were getting louder as Peter slowly increased his rhythm with his mouth and hands. Wade had his legs wrapped around Peter's head and Peter was starting to slowly rise, lifting the man with him until Peter was standing fully upright. He pushed a third finger into his ass and let his mouth slide as far as possible down Wade's length. Wade was screaming his head off and pulling Peter's hair. He yelled Peter's name as he came hard with Peter pounding his ass with his fingers. Peter removed his mouth and licked the sides of Wade's cock as he came all over his face.

Wade was panting and trembling, at loss for words. Peter gently pried his legs off his head which were still squeezing his face. He slowly brought Wade's legs down.

“Easy there, big guy, I've got you, put your hands on my shoulders,” Wade complied, still in shock, he laughed as Peter rubbed his semen covered face into his stomach and fell into Peter's arms, wrapping his legs around his waist. Peter held him tightly and carried him into his bedroom, plopping him down onto the bed and snuggling up against him.

“Oh... My...God... Peter, that was...So... AMAZING! In less than 24 hours you just graduated from sex kitten to sex tiger,” Peter cleaned them up and pulled Wade into an embrace, making the bigger man the little spoon. Peter kissed him on his back and neck and Wade let out little sighs and whimpers of contentment. 

“Oh wow, my manly man is all hard again already,” Wade smirked feeling Peter rub his dick into his ass cheeks. Peter started biting his neck and making Wade groan. 

“I blame you, so what are you going to do about it?” Wade turned around to face Peter and kissed him fervently on the lips then planted little kisses all the way down his body. Wade got on his knees at the edge of the bed and pulled Peter's legs down and over his shoulders. 

“Mmm,” Wade started licking at his cock, “love sucking you off,” he said before doing just that. Wade stopped briefly to grab a jar of coconut oil while informing Peter it was superior to lube. Then he resumed his position with Peter's legs over him and teased at Peter's ass hole with the oil and his fingers, tracing circles with his fingers and swirling his tongue over his cock at the same time. Peter groaned and put his hands behind his head, smiling deviously to himself. Wade removed his mouth and hands from Peter. Peter let out a loud gasp as he suddenly felt Wade's tongue slide around and in his ass.

“W-wade, your tongue is in my a-ass,” Peter grunted, feeling shy.

“S'okay, relax, you're all fresh and clean, and the coconut oil makes everything taste like delicious coconuts, mmm coconut butt,” Wade continued eating his ass and Peter moaned loudly. Wade stroked his cock with one hand and used the other to massage circles with his thumb into the fleshy area between Peter's balls and anus. 

Wade removed his mouth briefly, “talk to me, Petey, tell me all about what you think about when you touch yourself.”

“Mmm, think about you. All the time, you just grabbing me and fucking me without even asking permission. I'd try and protest but you'd just make me moan and scream and feel things I never even knew were possible. Thought about you touching yourself while thinking about fucking me, fucking in every room on every surface.” 

Wade pulled his mouth away and let his thumb probe Peter's ass hole, circling it inside him while still jerking him off. Peter was biting his knuckle and had his other hand in his hair, completely losing his mind.

“Wow, me too. So hot thinking about how we were both masturbating and thinking about fucking each other at the same time.”

Wade was relishing every moment and taking in all the sights. He removed his thumb from his entrance and pushed two fingers inside and upwards, continuing his ministrations on Peter's cock and using his tongue to gently lap at his balls. Peter was practically ripping his hair out, so close to the brink. Then Wade inserted a third finger and drummed them hard on Peter's prostate. 

“Ahh, fuuck, Waaade, AHHHAAAAAHHHHAHHHHAAHHHHAAHHHAAAHHhhmmm,” Peter let out an unearthly scream. Wade gripped his cock tightly and squeezed it while Peter came, his semen shooting out like a fountain. 

Wade felt Peter pulse around his fingers for a few moments before removing them. Then Wade got up to cuddle Peter, making him the little spoon while Peter was still trying to catch his breath. 

“Hah... heh...never... made.... noises...like... that.... in my life,” Peter panted out between each breath, “oh... my...you're... hard again?” Wade was hugging Peter tightly and smiling like an idiot, his cock was throbbing again.

“Let's save it for later, I can just keep going with my regeneration powers. Seeing you cum drives me fucking nuts. Also, I got up early and did some errands while you were sleeping in, so I might feel like napping if I come again. Took Dogpool and Spidercat over to our friendly neighbourhood pet sitter so those pesky critters wouldn't disturb our love-marathon,” Peter was still trembling in his arms.

“Oh, I hadn't even noticed why they weren't in this chapter,” Peter almost drifted off to sleep he was so satisfied from all the sex, Wade tickled him to keep him awake.

“SO, what do you want to do now? I know I've exhausted you but I would really like to go out with you somewhere, I don't care where I just want to walk down the street feeling like the luckiest person in the world because you're finally my boyfriend! I mean... we are boyfriends, right?” Wade had to stop tickling Peter or he was going to get brutally elbowed.

“Of course we are!” Peter turned around to throw his arms around his boyfriend and kiss him all over his face, Wade giggled and blushed. They cradled each others faces and let out soft laughs and whimpers while giving each other short, quick kisses on the lips.

“I feel like we've kind of been dating all along and now we've finally gotten to the sex part, but I get what you're saying and I want to take my boyfriend out on a date, so let's do something,” Peter's eyes were crinkled and he had the goofiest grin.

So they went on a date. I'll let you decide what they did. Maybe they went to an art gallery or museum, or maybe they just walked all around New York, holding hands and kissing every ten seconds. Their lips were getting so dry and swollen from kissing they both had to stop at a drug store to buy lip chap. Peter bought cherry chapstick and Wade got at least five different fruity lip balms, they experimented mixing up the flavours, kissing like two teenage girls in love.

Back to the sex: they got home as the sun was setting and Wade kicked open their front door with Peter's legs wrapped around his waist, both of them absorbed in heated kissing. Wade took Peter to his bedroom and they lay their with their bodies and lips wrapped around each other. After a few minutes Wade sat up.

“OK, I think it's about time for me to pop your sweet anal cherry,” He lowered his eyes and grinned, Peter laughed.

“Do fingers count as popping my cherry?” Peter asked.

“Nope. Well maybe, but it's not the same as my dick. Peter's ass, meet my dick,” Peter giggled as Wade grabbed him by the shirt and licked at his collarbone and Adam's apple. They both got up on their knees to tear off the others clothes and kiss and grab at each other. Wade reached down to grab the coconut oil and they both applied some to their hands, lying on their sides, kissing while stroking the others cock. 

Without saying anything Peter got up to put his mouth on Wade's cock while lowering his own member into Wade's face. They both sucked each other vigorously and explored the others prostate with their hands. Wade had to wrestle Peter off him and pin him to the bed to get him to stop.

“Are you ready? Any positions you want to try?” Wade held Peter's hands above his head, pressing them into the bed.

“I'm ready, I want to start with you on top of me,” Peter looked down coyly. Wade looked at him hungrily and shoved a pillow under his butt. He spread Peter's legs apart, sucking at his cock and stretching out his ass with his fingers for a minute before getting up and letting his throbbing dick slowly push inside Peter, spreading his legs apart farther as he went deeper inside him. Peter gasped and moaned vulgarly.

When Wade was completely inside him he leaned over to kiss Peter's lips, letting his cock sit inside him for a moment before thrusting into him. Peter was arching his back and head, whimpering and screaming.

Wade sat up to watch Peter's bright red face gasping for air as he continued to hammer him, changing his rhythm often from fast to slow, moving his hand up and down Peter's dick. Peter had his legs wrapped around his waist and was rolling his hips into his. Wade grabbed his legs, pushed them apart and exited Peter, making him whine desperately.

“N-not yet,” Wade shivered, their cocks were twitching angrily, both of them so close to release. Wade snuggled up beside Peter and spooned him. They both lay there panting for a few moments before Wade was lifting up Peter's leg and fucking him sideways. He reached around to beat Peter's cock and bit into his neck. Peter was screaming so much his throat was getting dry. 

Wade expertly rolled Peter over on to his stomach, keeping his cock inside him, and pummelling his ass into the bed. Peter lifted his hips and got on all fours so Wade could continue rubbing his cock. Wade used his other hand to smack and grab Peter's ass while slamming into him as hard as possible.

“OH GOD WADE THIS IS THE BEST, FUCK YOU'RE SO DEEP INSIDE ME! AHAAAA OOOOHH GOOOOD!” Peter yelled before they both came so loudly that half of New York probably heard them. 

Wade removed his dripping cock from Peter's ass, both of them falling down and curling up into each other, shuddering. Wade stroked Peter's hair and hummed happily to himself. They were at loss for words. They lied there panting for a couple minutes. Before Wade could praise Peter for such an amazing fuck Peter had already passed out in him arms. Wade laughed and kissed the top of his head, laying there with him for a long time before getting up. 

Peter woke up at night with the city lights glittering through the windows. 

“Hey, gorgeous,” Peter looked up to See Wade wearing his Deadpool mask, he wore a black suit, white collared shirt and red tie. Wade tickled his nose with a single red rose and Peter giggled.

“Hee, hee, Wade you don't have to wear your mask,” Peter sat up and took the rose, smelling it.

“I know, but I thought that maybe Deadpool and Peter Parker should have some romantic time together,” Peter kissed his masked cheek, “I've made you dinner, it's upstairs on the roof patio, come, you must be famished from all the sex,” Deadpool reached out to brush Peter's cheek.

“What about Spiderman spending some personal time with Wade Wilson?” Peter asked laughing.

“That will be in the last chapter, now come with me before our food gets cold,” Deadpool grabbed his hand and tried to pull Peter off the bed.

“Wait, shouldn't I get dressed?” Peter clutched the white bed sheet around him.

“No, you are absolutely fucking perfect wearing that bed sheet,” Deadpool helped him wrap it around his body and unceremoniously lifted Peter into his arms, carrying him off while they both laughed. 

Deadpool let him down when they got to the roof. Peter looked at the pretty display of a candlelit dinner set against the city landscape. He tried to wrap the sheet around him like a toga and they sat down to eat a simple yet elegant dinner of steak and vegetables that Wade had barbecued with fresh herbs from his garden. 

“Wade, you can take off the mask to eat, y'know,” Wade only lifted his mask above his nose to eat.

“Nope, gotta stay in character,” Wade smirked, “so tell me Peter, after today what do you identify as? Bisexual?”

“Hmm, I don't know. I have to admit, I think I like going down on a man more than a woman. Although I did enjoy my past experiences with women it wasn't even half as good as this,” Peter smiled, “so I think I'm not quite bi but not quite gay either, somewhere in between. Right now I'm Wadesexual anyway so labels don't really matter,” they continued to chat while finishing their dinner.

They drank white wine and talked for awhile after their meal, letting the food settle and enjoying the peace and happiness around them. Then Wade stood up and offered a hand to Peter, “Peter Parker, will you dance with me?” 

“There's no music, and I'd trip over this sheet anyway,” Peter protested but took his hand anyway.

“I'll put on some music, I mostly just want to hold you in my arms and spin us around while kissing you,” Wade went to put on the song Stay Awhile by She and Him and tossed Peter up into the air, catching him in his arms, both of them laughing and grinning like idiots. Peter held him around his neck and they kissed, twirling around. 

“You are so ridiculously ridiculous,” Peter whispered and kissed him deeply.

Wade had carried Peter all around the roof, swaying him and swinging their bodies. He couldn't resist pulling a prank and threw Peter into the swimming pool. Peter yelled, the cold water shocking him, the bed sheet looking majestic as it flowed under the water. Peter gathered and tossed the wet sheet out of the pool before getting out himself, naked and laughing. He scurried away all wet and cold, running downstairs.

“Sorry Pete, couldn't help myself, I've been waiting for you to go skinny dipping ever since we got this place, god I can't resist your naked ass when it's running,” Deadpool chased after Peter.

Peter got a towel from the bathroom and averted Wade's advances, drying himself off. He leaned into the door frame of Wade's bedroom, folding his arms and rolling his eyes as Wade finally got a hold of him and kissed his body while molesting him.

“So, Wade, is it my turn to top?” Peter asked hopefully.

“Nope, not yet, I'm saving myself for Spiderman. Don't call me Wade right now, call me Deadpool or daddy,”

Peter snorted, “OK, dad,” he said sarcastically, “I really don't get the whole daddy thing, it sounds so creepy.”

“There's a parent daddy, and there's a sex daddy, both completely different definitions. There's nothing wrong with two fully grown consenting adults calling each other daddy,” Deadpool tried to explain while Peter looked at him mischievously, pulling at his tie and twisting it in his hand before yanking him into a kiss.

“What if I combine the two and call you Deady?” They laughed. Peter led him by the tie to the bed and pushed him down.

“That's pretty darn cute, but it's not quite as naughty as daddy,” Wade responded cheerily.

“Whatever, daddy,” Peter quipped, straddling him and kissing his neck.

“OK, maybe we shouldn't do the daddy thing, you're acting too much like a sarcastic teenager, this is getting a little weird,” Deadpool said while grabbing Peter's ass.

“Fuck you, dad. Now I'm going to call you that just to spite you. Ooh, you're using reverse psychology on me, how clever. Still calling you daddy,” Peter sat up smiling like a cat and bucked his naked hips into Wade's pants, feeling an erection stirring underneath.

“Whatever you want, princess,” Deadpool squealed. Peter kissed him one last time and then shoved his mask over his face.

Peter threw his head back, grinding his hips into Deadpool, “you like that daddy?” He could feel Wade's cock pulse and twitch as he called him daddy, “ooh you do, can I suck you off daddy?” Peter's gaze and voice lowered, he smirked evilly.

“What's the magic word, princess,” Deadpool gasped.

“Please daddy, can I please suck your cock? Makes me so hard,” Peter whined dramatically.

“Alright baby boy, go to town,” Peter unzipped his pants, letting his hard cock free and sucked him off with his knees beside Wade's chest so he could grab at Peter's ass while getting head. Peter flickered his tongue up and down him while moaning. Wade was getting close, he was turned on as fuck squeezing Peter's ass and cock and watching Peter's dick grow hard while he got his own dick sucked. 

“Alright, baby, get on all fours for daddy,” Wade stood up and Peter complied. Deadpool tossed off all his clothes except his collared shirt and undid his tie and wrapped it around Peter's eyes. Deadpool jerked himself and Peter off at the same time, “what do you want me to do, princess?”

Peter whimpered, “I want you to fuck me, daddy. Want to feel your big cock in my tight, little ass. Please, daddy, please.”

Wade released his hand from Peter's cock and lubricated his fingers and started probing his ass, leaving Peter's cock pulsing and craving his touch. 

“Please daddy, fuck me hard and cum inside me,” Peter tried not to laugh as he said it but he also couldn't help getting aroused at the sound of his voice calling Wade daddy.

“Mmm, anything for you, princess,” Wade shoved his cock into Peter's ass roughly, cherishing his screams of surprise and pleasure. Wade pounded him hard and spanked him, not holding back and not even bothering to grab Peter's aching cock as he groaned and came inside him, gripping his ass and hammering into him. 

Deadpool fell beside Peter and rolled him over so Peter was lying upwards on top of him. Peter took off his blindfold. Deadpool reached around to stroke Peter slowly, “Deady,” Peter hissed, “you're teasing me, I need more.”

“Oooh, I have an idea,” Deadpool lifted them off the bed, Peter sat there while Deadpool went into his closet and brought out a large black treasure chest, “step right up, pick a toy, any toy. There's all shapes, colours, and sizes, depending on your mood, it's a form of colour therapy.”

Peter sat in front of the box and opened it like a kid on Christmas morning. Inside were different dildos, vibrators and other devices Peter hadn't even seen or heard of. He looked through all of them and then settled on whether or not to try out some silver, plastic anal beads, or a red, sparkly vibrating dildo.

“Let's play with these,” Peter had a toy in each hand, he looked up at Wade grinning wickedly.

“Oh, wait, there's one more accessory we need,” Wade momentarily disappeared and returned with Peter's glasses, “I've thought so much about fucking you with these cute, nerdy glasses,” Peter laughed and put his glasses on. Wade took off his shirt but kept his mask on, pushing it above his mouth. He lied down with his head on his pillow and made Peter climb on top of his face, bringing the toys and the lube with him.

Peter fucked into Deadpool's face, Wade prepared his ass with a finger and then slowly started inserting the beads in, one ball at a time. Once he had the beads completely inside Peter he would slowly pull them back out, doing this again and again. He kept speeding up his motions as Peter's hips bucked faster and his moans grew louder. After several minutes Peter pulled his dick out of Wade's mouth and wanked himself, coming all over Deadpool's masked face, 

“Oooh, those beads felt sooo good,” Peter gasped as he got off Deadpool's face and hugged him, “we didn't even get to the vibrator.”

“Soon,” Wade huffed, pulling his sticky mask off. 

Peter noticed that Wade was hard again and grinned. 

He climbed on top of Wade and ran his lips down his cock, putting his ass in front of Wade's face. He grabbed the lube and red vibrator and entered it into Wade's ass without even preparing him first, making the other man give a startled yelp. Peter played with the speed setting of the vibrator while bobbing his head up and down Wade's dick. Wade was twitching and jerking his hips into Peter's mouth. Peter was fucking him with the toy mercilessly. After a few minutes he was squeezing the life out of Peter's ass and violently coming. Peter felt the liquid squirt down his throat but didn't swallow, he lifted his mouth off Wade's dick and let the cum dribble down his cock.

Peter laid down next to Wade in the opposite direction and they were both taking deep breaths. 

“Hooo, I think I'm all tuckered out tonight, Peter. You fucked me so good,” Wade wheezed out.

“Oh, I haven't fucked you yet, that was just foreplay. You have no idea what you're in for.”

Wade whimpered.

Peter sat up, “Let's go patrolling! Spiderman and Deadpool's first city watch as boyfriends!”

“Peter, you slept a lot more than I did today, I'm on the verge of passing out,” Wade whined.

“I know but you've got those regeneration powers. C'mon, buddy! Let's go out!” Peter jumped off the bed full of mirth and went to clean them up and get changed. Wade still couldn't move, Spiderman came into his room and went in his closet to find a spare Deadpool suit and threw it at Wade's face. Wade rolled over groaning but Spiderman slapped his ass repeatedly to get him up.

“Ouch! You're so strong!” 

“Super spider strength, something to look forward to after we finish patrolling, c'mon it'll be a quick one.” Peter was feeling energized from their sex while Wade was exhausted. Wade got up anyway and changed into his suit. 

Spiderman let Deadpool ride his back for their entire patrol as they swung through the city. Spiderman took care of any action that went down while Deadpool made sarcastic jokes and quips on the sidelines. Spidey would constantly pull Deadpool into secluded spots and kiss him, marking all their most frequented alleys and rooftops.

Deadpool was dead tired when they got home, and collapsed back onto the bed but Spiderman wasn't giving up that easily. He crawled on top of him, wagging his butt in the air, “Spidey needs to fuck your ass, Deady,” he kissed him through their masks.

“OK, be gentle with me Spiderman,” Deadpool said in his most girly voice.

“Oh, I will not,” Spiderman smirked and tied Wade's hands up to the bed frame with his webbing.

“Eeeek,” Wade fake shrieked.

Spiderman pulled his mask up to his nose and pulled Deadpools spandex down below his cock. He took his entire flaccid penis in his mouth and sucked on it, feeling it slowly grow and harden in his mouth. Deadpool was getting excited watching his cute spider bug go down on him. Spiderman pulled down Deadpool's pants to just below his knees, grabbing the coconut oil and slipping a few fingers inside his ass while tortuously licking at him. Wade's dick pulsed and throbbed in his mouth, Spiderman could tell by his breathing and gasping that he was ready to be fucked.

Spiderman got up to break the webbing from the bed but still kept Deadpool's hands tied up. He flipped him over effortlessly and commanded Wade to get on all fours, Spiderman gagged Deadpool's mouth with his webbing to keep him from making bad jokes while he fucked him.

Spiderman stroked Deadpool's cock with one hand and his own with the other. He nibbled and licked Wade's ass making the larger man shudder and tremble. Spiderman pried his ass apart with his hands and slipped both his slicked thumbs inside him, moving them both alternately. Wade had his ass up in the air and his face pressed into the bed, muffled noises were trying to escape him. Peter couldn't wait any longer and he pressed his dick into Deadpool's ass hole leisurely.

Spiderman's moans and grunts were drowning out any sounds from Wade. He fucked him gently at first but then picked up his speed and strength, lazily running his hand over Wade's hard penis. Wade brought his bonded wrists below his face and tore off the webbing from his mask with his hands. They were howling like animals. Spiderman lost control of his strength, fucking him and jostling Deadpool's dick as hard as he could and soon they were both having the loudest, wildest orgasms of their lives. 

Peter managed to somehow not collapse and got up to clean Wade off. Wade was lying on his side panting, Spiderman broke his bonds and gently undressed him before taking off his own suit. He walked around their home naked, making sure all the lights were turned off, feeling sorry for any neighbours who might have been privy to their sex noises over the day and in the future. He remembered he had a dog and cat and vowed to pick them up from their pet sitter. He would do it tomorrow. After he fucked Wade again.

Peter brushed his teeth and brought Wade a glass of mouth wash and another glass with water. Wade looked like he was sleeping but Peter rubbed and scratched his back and he let out a happy sigh. 

“Here's mouth wash since you probably can't move right now, and some water because you're probably thirsty from today's scream fest. Was that OK? Was I too hard on you?” Peter helped him sit upright and Wade took the mouth wash, swished it, spat it out back into it's glass and then gulped down the water in ten seconds. He threw his head onto the pillow.

“I think... I died... and saw heaven... gonna sleep for a day now, even with regeneration powers I still need my beauty sleep,” Wade puffed out quietly. Peter turned off the lights and crawled into bed beside Wade, blanketing them. Peter scratching and rubbed Wade's back for a long time until he heard his gentle snores. Peter was the big spoon, he put one arm under his pillow and the other around Wade, his hand placed in the middle of Wade's chest trying to feel his heart beat. Peter soon drifted off into sleep smiling, he finally had his man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter had his man in the last chapter, but you know, not like he had him in this chapter, in the ass kind of way
> 
> Wade didn't actually die, he's just joking.
> 
> LAST CHANCE FOR SEX REQUESTS! GO!
> 
> I always seem to end my chapters with the characters falling asleep either feeling happy or sad, gotta switch it up sometime.
> 
> Someone please tell me if there are any Deadpool comics where he makes pancakes because I need to know
> 
> I JUST REALIZED this chapter doesn't have a lot of lovey dovey stuff, like P + W being all like I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY SWEET PIECE OF MAN CAKE AND LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY PINING just imagine all that stuff happens in the inbetween moments of the day, you've all read the build up, we don't need to recap. I think after all that sexual tension they would be so focused on finally having the sex and would get more chatty about their feels later


End file.
